For the next month West Ham fans face the difficult task of avoiding newspapers, television, radio, magazines, friends, foes, the tinterweb and any information giving medium more determinedly than Gordon Ramsay after his latest foray ‘off the menu’.
The old saying “no news is good news” has never rung truer. Unfortunately there is a lot of news. There is a worrying possibility that this time next month we’ll be sans Parker, Noble, Bellamy, Upson, Green and anyone else who can kick a football (Faubert should be safe).
However, there is hope. Only a fool would underestimate Zola’s nous. Notice how Dean Ashton’s injury problems mysteriously worsened while he topped the wishlist of several clubs?
Without wishing any Hammer a misfortune, don’t be surprised to see:
- Upson’s flu develop into malaria;
- Bellamy’s attitude problem be reclassified as a certifiable mental disorder which sees him straightjacketed straight to Broadmoor;
- Noble’s feet fall off;
- Ashton undergo scans on his knees which reveal they are in fact made entirely of glass;
- Parker to develop an uncontrollable debilitating allergy to grass.
Then, come 1st Feb, a miraculous strike of good fortune will see all of these ailments recover in an instant. Ok, not Ashton, that would be more than miraculous.
Well, we can dream. In the meantime I’m off to bury my head in the snow.