Tottenham Hotspur FC

I can write without fear of contradiction that this is the greatest video ever made.

Robbie’s back. Yup, somehow someway we’ve signed Robbie Keane from Liverpool for £ 5million less than we sold him for.

Now that’s mental.

For the Spurs squad this has to be good news. Keano is one of the players ‘Arry has been saying we lack. Someone with character a bit of drive and prepared to stand up and be counted (sorry I ran out of clichés).

One question. What the Fratton is Jermaine Defoe going to think? The reason he left us in the first place was because he was behind Keane in the pecking order. The reason Keane left the scousers was because he hardly completed a game. Now history is bound to repeat itself.

I don’t care as long as we get closer to the heights we reached when they were both firing for us.

Welcome back Robbie, Jermaine and Pascal, hopefully your second coming will be more successful than David Pleat’s.

Here’s a round up of all the goings on over the last four weeks.

INS: Jermaine Defoe (Portmouth, £15.75m), Wilson Palacios (Wigan, £14m subject to work permit), Carlo Cudicini (free from Chelsea), Pascal Chimbonda (undisc. from Sunderland), Robbie Keane (£15m from Liverpool).

OUTS: Charlie Daniels (free to Leyton Orient), Kevin-Prince Boateng (loan to Borussia Dortmund), Paul Stalteri (free to Borussia Monchengladbach), David Button (loan to Bournemouth), Troy Archibald-Henville (loan to Exeter City), Hossam Ghaly (undisc, Al-Nasr), Cesar Sanchez (free to Valencia).

We’ve been saying our side is unbalanced for years. We’ve been crying out for a left winger, a left back and a defensive midfielder for since Santini got the job. Yet we seem to buy a raft of attacking midfielders of varying quality.

Instead of addressing the areas we need to improve we sack the manager if he doesn’t do as well as expected. But what chance have our previous bosses had when they have to fit square pegs into round holes. Martin Jol has moved on and doing well with Hamburg who are two points off the top in the Bundesliga. Ramos is fairing ok at, let’s face it, a bigger club at Real Madrid.

Yet they failed at Spurs.

The public slating of the players and the transfer policy could be the kick up the arse our club needs. Maybe now we can build a balanced side with the right mix of flair and strength with players operating in their proper positions.

It’s not ‘Arry’s fault, these problems have been apparent for longer than a few months. The blame lies at the feet of the people who chose the players. Rightly Comolli paid with his job, Redknapp doesn’t deserve to.

I can’t wait until we have one of these in the Premier League. Rory Delap eat your heart out.



As good as she is she’s still got a way to go though.

‘Arry’s back at the Boleyn Ground this weekend ad he can expect a decent reception, sort of. Later in the season this game could be significant so we need a result.

Hopefuly it will be like the game a couple of years ago which has to be one of the most entertaining in Prem history. Here’s a reminder of how we broke their hearts.

Skysports Fanzone. Is it rubbish or just really poor? The miseductaed fans trying their hardest not to swear shouldn't make Gray and Tyler lose sleep just yet but every now and then the Fanzone throws up a classic moment. Here's two or three out of ten.

He’s short,
He’s fast,
He scored against the arse,
Arron Len-non, Aaron Len-non

The chant may not work musically but it doesn't make it any less true.

The we man with the quick feet has found some form again since Redknapp’s arrival if we can keep him close to his best we’ll do well this season and he could force his way back into the England team.

One of  the things I love about the little fella is he’s got an awfully deep voice for his stature. It sounds weird, in a good way.


Keep up the crossing practise Aaron we can’t wait until your doing stuff like this every game.


We love you Aaron.

Like my great aunt Maude used to say, “Sif, there’s no better reason to get on the booze than when Tottenham win and a*senal lose”.

She was a smart lady that Maude. Check out wenger’s boys getting their arse handed to the twice in a week.

First Villa turn them over in their own back yard.

Arsenal V Aston Villa

Then City gave them a lesson at a ground we turned the blue bottles over a fortnight ago.

The word on the street is that the interlopers from up the road are having a few internal struggles. In an attempt to deflect attention from his piss poor captaincy Billy Gallas spilt the beans claiming that players are being disrespectful when he confronts them. "I am trying to defend myself a bit without giving names. Otherwise I'm taking it all (the blame). It's very frustrating"

We say diddums. Best of all it nearly went off at half time when the scummers played us. "There was a problem at halftime. The only thing that I could say at halftime was 'Guys, we resolve these problems after the match, not at halftime." You can imagine how they felt at full time.

Check out my artists impression of how this info came to light.

Honorary Hotspur Jimmy Bullard just keeps going up and up in my estimations. A few months ago I posted a chant that the Fulham fans sing to the Maggie Thatcher impersonator.

Jim Bullard Bullard
He’s better than Steve Gerrard
And Thinner than Frank Lampard
Jim Bullard Bullard

Jimmy’s response is so good that I stole it from the quotes section of another website to bring to you.

Take it away Maggie.

"It's a blinding song but only half of it is correct. I'm not sure I'm better than Steven but I'm definitely thinner than Frank"

Legend.

Saying "go on, go on go on, go on" has never really been commentary but the portly Spurs chap is my hero. His reactions mirrored mine exactly on the night.

I'll never get tired of watching this.

The draw for the quarter finals of the League Cup were made last week and it completely slipped under my radar. We’re playing Watford.

The good news is we don’t have to play a Premier League team. The bad news is we’re away from home. But despite generally being smelly hairy bollocks away from home a trip to vicarage Road should be something our squad can negotiate.

I’m not getting ahead of myself but if we can get passed the Hornets we’ll undoubtably meet a*snal youth in the semi finals. The Woolwich boys have turned a few heads in this competition so far and despite Burnley’s heroics against Chelsea you wouldn’t bet on Arsne’s ankle biters making it into the last four. Providing we get through we’ll be ready for them, hopefully we can put six past them this time.
Here is the draw in full.
Carling Cup quarter-finals draw:
Stoke City v Derby County
Manchester United v Blackburn Rovers
Burnley v Arsenal
Watford v Tottenham Hotspur

And anyone looking for an omen check out what’s perhaps my favourite Hoddle goal against Watford many moons ago when men played football in hotpants.

What. A. Game. From Bentley’s wonder strike to Lennon’s last ditch equaliser that was awesome. Classic Spurs. We can’t get too carried away there were a few things wrong with our performance. We have a clown in goal who inspires comedy defending and after we scored our 1st goal we sat off them too much. But we were away to a*snal and they’re not so bad at keeping the ball so all in all it couldn’t be helped.

It was a joy to see us have an attacking threat again and Modric really looks like he’s getting into the groove. This is what it’s all about shipping a shed load at one end and banging in a lorry load at the other. That’s what we’ve been brought up on.

Good on the lads and special mention should go out to JJ who has scored in his last three games against the gooners.

Treat yourself to the highlights below.

With the a*senal game coming up here's a reminder of what happened the last time we played them. You might not recognise half the players and may barely remember the manager but you all know the result.

You know what they say, "If you don't laugh you'd cry". Well I'm crying. Here's a selection of the best/worse Spurs gags going around.

Tesco are releasing new Oxo cubes in Spurs colours. Customers are told to look out for laughing stocks.

I was playing Scrabble and had enough letters to make ‘Tottenham Hotspur Football Club’. I was gutted when I found out it was only worth two points.

Haringey council  has blocked Tottenham’s plans to build a new ground on Northumberland Park. A town hall source said: “We don’t mind having a funfair there once a year, but a circus every fortnight is a bit much.

Osama Bin Laden sent out a new video to prove he was still alive, in it he said SPURS were rubbish recently.
Britsh intelligence dissmissed it saying: ''That could have been recorded anytime in the last 8 years.

Hilarious, nice one.

Post some of your own in the comments but be sure to leave your address and when you'll be home on your own so I can 'thank' personally. See you in hospital.

I got this apparently true story from a so called mate.
 
I was in the pub Saturday night and next to me was a guy with the sweetest looking dog imaginable.

When the Tottenham score was read out on TV this dog went berserk. It started growling and barking, even tried to bite a couple of people nearby.

I said "Bloody hell mate what's that all about? " He replied, "Oh he does that everytime Tottenham lose"

I said "Well what happens when they win?"

He replied " Corluka knows, I've only had him 6 months!"

Hilarious. The Perrier nomination is in the post.

Is it any wonder people are revelling in our misery?

Having a look through the other prem bloggers they seem quite a jovial lot.

The Bolton bloke has been posting football based comedy clips in a move which can only be described as ‘I wish I’d thought of that’.

City bloke has introduced us to his cat. How is Zizou anyway?

Stoke bloke has given us one of the best chants in football.

Even the cats with the silly hats look happier than your average Spurs fan.

To be fair if I was a City supporter I’d be doing backflips but Bolton and Stoke are only a win away from us. Yet they see the fun and enjoyment to be had out of this great game.

They should be an example to us all. Bollocks they should. This is what spurs fans sign up for when we adopt the cock on our shirt. Total misery or ultimate joy. Nothing in between will do (which is strange for a club that finishes mid table more often than not).

This fella has the right idea.

Mohammed Ali Amar will always be loved at White Hart Lane. He played in the '91 Cup winning team, scored a spectacular volley against Liverpool and bagged a hatrick in a cup game against city.

But he'll be most loved for something he did in the 1995 Cup Winners Cup Final when he wasn't even a Hotspur. It was so good a "Nayim from the halfway line" chant doesn't have to come out against a*senal.

The last time I heard it we were away at Leicester.

Legend.

Don't let me ruin for you, check out the story here.



And here's the goal in all it's glory.

The 3rd in our series of podcast reviews is the Tottenham Football Fancast.

It’s certainly informative but the presenters come across as wannabe John Motsons.
It’s a bit serious which is a shame because the pod jockeys are knowledgeable but what you want from something like this is a bit of banter. The tag line is “real fans, real opinions” which doesn’t really ring true because most people I speak to about football don’t put their views across in the way you hear on this podcast.

Saying that it’s well worth a listen. It will educate you for half an hour and to be fair I’d subscribe to a podcast made by American housewives who know nothing about football if it claimed to be about Spurs.

Check it out here.

Or subscribe on iTunes.

Check out the reviews for The Spurs Show and Football Ramble podcasts.

What a crazy few hours. Just when you thought there was nothing left to surprise you in football yesterdays last minute transfer shenanigans had us all scratching our heads. I mean another club came in for Voronin.

Who’d of thunk it?

Man City obviously stole the headlines. Forget Little Rob, their lunchtime bid for Berba was the best thing that could’ve happened to us. The boys from the eastlands are this bloggers new second favourite team. Not only did we reach an agreement on Corluka but they forced United’s hand and drove up the price for Dimi.

The speculation in the media that the reds paid £750,00 over the asking price to prevent a Premier League investigation into the ins and outs of the transfer makes the saga even juicier.

Who doesn’t love a conspiracy theory?

Yahweh bless you City and all who pour money into you. Just look out for all the nouveau fans.

"Glory hunter? Shut up, I've been supporting City since Eriksonn was manager."

I can see it now.

Don't want to rub it in but there won't be many more opportunities to see these without being physically sick.

I’ve gone right off the bloke but watching this makes the hairs on your neck stand on end.

In January 2002 the mighty Spurs broke a 27 game hoodoo by spanking Chelsea 5-1 in the Worthington Cup semis. There were several heroes in Spurs shirts that night but none more inspirational than Gustavo Augusto Poyet Domínguez the motor mouthed ex Chelsea fan favourite. On 83 minutes Gus was subbed off and left the pitch with a skip and a jump whilst punching the air. The Chelsea fans were incensed.

The Tottenham faithful had witnessed the coronation of a new legend.

During another false dawn of the Hoddle era Gus was a bright spark for us. Poyet scored 14 goals in his debut season for the Lilywhites and was captain during the 02-03 campaign.

After performing miracles coaching Swindon and Leeds Gus came back as 1st team coach and has been entertaining us in post match interviews ever since. His influence on the current squad can’t be underestimated but more importantly he’s about on the odd occasion we beat Chelsea.

You’ve got to love the man they call Radio.

Next in the podcast reviews is celebrity fronted The Spurs Show. It’s hosted by multi voiced funny man and die hard Tottenham fan Phil Cornwall with co-presenters author Paolo Hewitt and Mike Leigh.

The weekly broadcast is amusing and due to the connections of the people behind the show they can pull in heavy weight guests like Paul Hawksbee, Martin Jol’s nephew and Phil’s pre-teen son Freddie.

You can tell Cornwall has been a Spurs fan many years but he loves to get his dates and names wrong and the impressionist reads out emails like Zakora bearing down on the opposition goal, awkwardly and never finishing.

The anarchy of it all is endearing and I’d recommend it to anyone who follows the Lillywhites.

You can subscribe here or check them out on iTunes.

Check out the review of The Football Ramble here.

Podcasts.

When they’re not making Ricky Gervais more money than a footballer can earn in 10 days they’re giving the common people (that’s us) the chance to have their voices heard. To be fair podcasts are infinitely more fun than listening to Clive Tildsley banging on about ‘that night in Barcelona’ so I’ve taken it upon myself to do a review of the best out there Spurs or otherwise.

So in the first instalment we bring you The Football Ramble.

It’s essentially three blokes much like us, quite literally, rambling about football. Marcus hosts it, Jim, or James, provides the sane analysis and Luke speaks over everyone. It’s like one of them has sat on their phone and you can over hear three mates in the pub discussing the ins and outs of the beautiful game. It’s natural, informative and bloody funny. Basically these boys speak our language.

Click here, have a listen and tell us what you think.


Or have a look on iTunes.

Or not, you don't have to I'm not your dad.

North London natives since 1882, 1919 still not forgiven, Bill Nicholson – best ever, push and run, Greavsie, Gilzean, year ends in one. First British team to lift European trophy, first double winners. Hoddle, Waddle, Chas and Dave, cups, Ossie’s dream, “Is Gasgoine gonna have a crack? He is you know.” Klinsman’s dive, entertainers, decline, love a moan, false dawns, now’s our time, maybe next year, sell best players or walk for free. The Tottenham way.