Tottenham Hotspur FC

Robbie’s back. Yup, somehow someway we’ve signed Robbie Keane from Liverpool for £ 5million less than we sold him for.

Now that’s mental.

For the Spurs squad this has to be good news. Keano is one of the players ‘Arry has been saying we lack. Someone with character a bit of drive and prepared to stand up and be counted (sorry I ran out of clichés).

One question. What the Fratton is Jermaine Defoe going to think? The reason he left us in the first place was because he was behind Keane in the pecking order. The reason Keane left the scousers was because he hardly completed a game. Now history is bound to repeat itself.

I don’t care as long as we get closer to the heights we reached when they were both firing for us.

Welcome back Robbie, Jermaine and Pascal, hopefully your second coming will be more successful than David Pleat’s.

Here’s a round up of all the goings on over the last four weeks.

INS: Jermaine Defoe (Portmouth, £15.75m), Wilson Palacios (Wigan, £14m subject to work permit), Carlo Cudicini (free from Chelsea), Pascal Chimbonda (undisc. from Sunderland), Robbie Keane (£15m from Liverpool).

OUTS: Charlie Daniels (free to Leyton Orient), Kevin-Prince Boateng (loan to Borussia Dortmund), Paul Stalteri (free to Borussia Monchengladbach), David Button (loan to Bournemouth), Troy Archibald-Henville (loan to Exeter City), Hossam Ghaly (undisc, Al-Nasr), Cesar Sanchez (free to Valencia).

Publicly calling out the players is the gaffer’s way of distancing himself from any future Spurs failings. ‘Arry’s a smart and manipulative man who’s seen it work at Southampton so why not insulate yourself from criticism at Spurs? At the moment he can’t lose, if we go down he can turn around and say “I tried to tell you” if we achieve cup success and stay up it’s Harry Houdini all over again.

We’ve got some quality players who are underperforming so Redder’s should do what he’s paid very well for, COACH. The slating of Bendy’s after his horror miss goes against the ‘arm round the shoulder’ approach Redknapp is famed for. There are many managers who are known for their abrasive style who wouldn’t think of digging their players out like that in public. He doesn’t even know the name of our reserve keeper for crying out loud.

Harry shut your moaning and get the best out of the players. It’s what you were brought in to do.

Do you get the feeling ‘Arry is trying to distance himself from the predicament we’ve found ourselves in?

After the Wigan game he piped up saying, "At the moment we have some players who cost this football club a lot of money and they need to be better for the team,"

"They are supposed to be quality players - and they have got to show that on the football pitch.” "If you look at our results - two points from eight games - it cannot always be the manager's fault, can it?"

Don’t get me wrong the blokes got a point. We have some prima donnas and pretty boys who have gone missing when most needed. There’s a handful of players who seem up for it when the chips are down which isn’t good enough.

But my beef with Redknapp is he said similar things when he went to Southampton and Portsmouth saying the squads were much worse than he anticipated suggesting there’s little he could do as he can’t work miracles. When he arrived at Spurs and got off to the best start of any manager in beards he was bigging up the players saying he can’t believ we were in this position. Now things aren’t going right for us it’s become, “it cannot always be the manager's fault, can it?"

Hopefully the rant was for the players sake rather than creating a ready made excuse in case things don’t go well for us.

I had to post this again. Only because it’s the best thing ‘Arry’s ever done.

So we’ve loaned out the crown Prince until the end of the season. At the moment it looks like a good bit of business but I hope this isn’t the last we’ll see of him. Remember he’s only 21 and showed glimpses of the player he could be. The likes of Kevin-Prince, Taarabt, Bostock and Giovani should be the future of the club rather than spending over the odds for similar players in a few years. They may not be doing it for us at the moment but, and I hate to say it, those lot up the road wouldn’t have them anywhere near their first team until they were ready.

By the sounds of things this move could go permanent. The stuff Boateng has been saying suggests he’s glad to get out of White Hart Lane.

"I am delighted to be back at a German club and to be able to speak German again. I am filled with all possible emotions that have to do with happiness and am relieved that the transfer pushed through,"

Clearly the lad needs to play football to improve so sitting on the Spurs bench may not be the best place for him but if he does mature over the next few months we should have him back.

So long sweet Kevin-Prince and good luck in Germany. Hopefully we’ll see you soon. You do have silly hair and bad ink though.

Skysports Fanzone. Is it rubbish or just really poor? The miseductaed fans trying their hardest not to swear shouldn't make Gray and Tyler lose sleep just yet but every now and then the Fanzone throws up a classic moment. Here's two or three out of ten.

People have been saying that the loss of Berbatov would affect our striking options this year. And it’s come true in a round about way. Even though we’re finding the net more regularly this season with our front men chipping with more than their fair share of goals the sulkin’ Bulkan has still stitched us up somehow.

The reds will be without Berba for a few games and his absence coupled with united drawing blanks in their last two games has alerted manc’s manager and part time hairdryer he may not have as much depth up front as he once thought. Just when he’s showing he could be a useful squad striker for us sir red nosed reindeer is talking about recalling Fraizer Campbell.

Typical.

The lad has scored three goals in three games for us and is a real threat off the bench and good enough to be trusted with a start. At a time when we’re missing Dos Santos we can ill afford to lose the boy Campbell as well.

Let’s hope it’s just paper talk or early mind games ahead of their visit to the Lane next month.

The word on the street is that the interlopers from up the road are having a few internal struggles. In an attempt to deflect attention from his piss poor captaincy Billy Gallas spilt the beans claiming that players are being disrespectful when he confronts them. "I am trying to defend myself a bit without giving names. Otherwise I'm taking it all (the blame). It's very frustrating"

We say diddums. Best of all it nearly went off at half time when the scummers played us. "There was a problem at halftime. The only thing that I could say at halftime was 'Guys, we resolve these problems after the match, not at halftime." You can imagine how they felt at full time.

Check out my artists impression of how this info came to light.

You know what they say, "If you don't laugh you'd cry". Well I'm crying. Here's a selection of the best/worse Spurs gags going around.

Tesco are releasing new Oxo cubes in Spurs colours. Customers are told to look out for laughing stocks.

I was playing Scrabble and had enough letters to make ‘Tottenham Hotspur Football Club’. I was gutted when I found out it was only worth two points.

Haringey council  has blocked Tottenham’s plans to build a new ground on Northumberland Park. A town hall source said: “We don’t mind having a funfair there once a year, but a circus every fortnight is a bit much.

Osama Bin Laden sent out a new video to prove he was still alive, in it he said SPURS were rubbish recently.
Britsh intelligence dissmissed it saying: ''That could have been recorded anytime in the last 8 years.

Hilarious, nice one.

Post some of your own in the comments but be sure to leave your address and when you'll be home on your own so I can 'thank' personally. See you in hospital.

Sorry about the hiatus. Your suicidal blogger has been down at the Samaritans trying to make sense of it all. But all the well meaning volunteers in the world can’t explain the demise of the club formerly known as Tottenham Hotspurs. We’re a rudderless shower of a team who can’t defend, have no steel in midfield and no bite upfront. It’s no coincidence we’re bottom of the table, we’re currently the worst team in the league.

The usual haven of Europe has not proved a great hiding place either with last nights defeat. There’s no shame loosing away to the team 2nd in Serie A but it was the nature of the defeat that rankles so. The way we conceded the penalty for the opening goal would be comical if it wasn’t so depressing. O’Hara’s indiscipline for the sending off ended our chance of a victory and the teams indiscipline late on ended our chance of an equaliser.

Ramos looks clean out of ideas. We play Bolton, Arsenal, Dinamo Zagreb, money bags city and Liverpool twice in the next three weeks, it’s hard to see where a win will come from.

Oh well, we’ve got to keep the faith. But if someine else tells me we’re to good to go down I’ll chin ‘em.

There’s been talk for weeks that the current crop of Hotspurs aren’t too bovved about playing for the shirt. Despite the evidence before our eyes you just wish it’s speculation.

We got news earlier in the week that Pav is out for three weeks with a knee injury. Terrible news, obviously. We’re not suggesting that this injury is made up or anything but days later we hear that Roman insists on joining up with the Russian squad during the international break.

Now what’s going on? Is it a case of a Premier League club looking to protect their player by stopping him from playing for their country? It’s not unheard of, think back to Harry Kewell, Leeds and Australia. Or is it Pav feels too injured to play for us (who are rubbish) but well enough to play for his country (who at the last look were better than England).

We truly hope it’s not the latter. Especially if Pav comes back with a knock that could keep him out for more than three weeks.

The Spurs medical team should treat this situation like my mum used to. Whenever I was too ill to go to school no matter how miraculous my recovery I wasn’t allowed out later that day. If I tried to pull a fast one on a Friday I was in all weekend.

I soon learnt.

I got this apparently true story from a so called mate.
 
I was in the pub Saturday night and next to me was a guy with the sweetest looking dog imaginable.

When the Tottenham score was read out on TV this dog went berserk. It started growling and barking, even tried to bite a couple of people nearby.

I said "Bloody hell mate what's that all about? " He replied, "Oh he does that everytime Tottenham lose"

I said "Well what happens when they win?"

He replied " Corluka knows, I've only had him 6 months!"

Hilarious. The Perrier nomination is in the post.

Hampshire police are going to investigate the naughty songs sang at (R)Sol during our woeful trip to Portsmouth. People from all corners have come out to let us know how out of order it was.

Unfortunately footy fans have particularly long memories, ask Paul Ince and Frank Lampard. So every time Sol is in a team that plays us he’ll get it in the neck. He claimed he’d stay then left for our biggest rivals. Granted it was seven years ago but I’ve hated ex girlfriends longer than that. The only difference is I can’t persuade my mates to sing derogatory songs every time I see her.

For those who’ve allowed themselves to forget here’s a selection of the lies that a naked refugee’s Ledley King spouted before he did one.

“I’m not going anywhere — now or in the summer. I’m here, why would I want to move? Tottenham are a fantastic club."

“I have been here all my career and for me to do well at this club means everything."

“Just because I have been here for so long doesn’t mean I have to move for the sake of it."

“When you look at Tottenham and the following, it is unbelievable. The stadium is fantastic — all the ingredients are there."

“Sometimes you have to take a gamble and go for it. The new owners are in so let’s see what they can do."

“I don’t think about what contract I’ll be offered. The first thing is to get Tottenham back on track from top to bottom.”

See you at the Lane Sol.

Is it any wonder people are revelling in our misery?

Having a look through the other prem bloggers they seem quite a jovial lot.

The Bolton bloke has been posting football based comedy clips in a move which can only be described as ‘I wish I’d thought of that’.

City bloke has introduced us to his cat. How is Zizou anyway?

Stoke bloke has given us one of the best chants in football.

Even the cats with the silly hats look happier than your average Spurs fan.

To be fair if I was a City supporter I’d be doing backflips but Bolton and Stoke are only a win away from us. Yet they see the fun and enjoyment to be had out of this great game.

They should be an example to us all. Bollocks they should. This is what spurs fans sign up for when we adopt the cock on our shirt. Total misery or ultimate joy. Nothing in between will do (which is strange for a club that finishes mid table more often than not).

This fella has the right idea.

Five winless games in and routed to the bottom of the league while 19 places above us the interlopers from South London are top of he Premiership.
Does it get any worse?
Well yes. The rumour mill is grinding out talk of Juande being homesick. That’s all we need.

Juande is making all the right noises trying to crush the speculation saying, "It is not true at all that I want to go home. I am delighted to be in London and at Spurs and am having a marvellous experience.” At least someone is.

But he’s right to say, "We need time. Some players came in only just before the close of the transfer window and there have been big changes.” The only thing is you don’t get time.

Changing manager so early in the season after laying out bundles of cash doesn’t achieve long-term success. We’ve tried it before. We’re in serious danger of becoming the southern Newcastle or maybe they’re ahead of the curve as a northern Spurs.

I still can’t see us getting relegated but for the cash spent we need to finish quite high up the league or have a decent UEFA cup run to make the outlay look like a worthy investment. I’m still backing Ramos because I don’t see a better options out there. Who are we going to go for Alan Curbishley?

But it may not matter if results don’t pick up and quickly. We could lose JR and have to start again.

Now that is the Tottenham Way.

Nothing winds me up more than other teams trying to steal our best bits.

In 2005 we achieve our best season in years then a small club from Fulham poach our sporting director/player buying bloke Frank Arnesen.

In 2006 we achieve our best Premier League finish and lose our most influential player Michael Carrick to united.

In 2008 we win our first silverware in best part of a decade and lose our two best players.

Now the toon are looking to prize away Gus Poyet to take a chalice so poisoned Indiana Jones doesn’t want to know.

Thankfully Gus has seen sense saying, "I'm very happy here. I've had almost a year back at the club with Juande and Marcos. This is just speculation and it's all too easy because of my relationship with Dennis Wise.

"It's nothing to worry about and all I intend to do is relax and continue with my job."

We truly hope this is true. But that's the way it is with good teams and great teams. The great teams build a legacy around their best assests, we sell them off to the highest bidder.

Come on Gus help us stop the rot.

You know what it’s like. You’ve got a new job in a place you don’t know so you ask someone who’s spend some time in the area of your proposed move to give you some advice on what to do, where to go and who to look out for. Your pal is expected to let you know which is the best boozer, where the nearest 24-hour garage is and how much you should expect to pay for a taxi.

That’s not quite the advice Roman Pavlyuchenko got from Sergei Rebrov. The bloke who scored more goals for us than Sheva did for Chelsea gave Roman the nugget, via a Russian magazine, not to go out near White Hart Lane because lots of "dark-skinned people" live there. “It's not nice to be a robbery victim. So I suggest that Roman doesn't walk but drives around that area."

Drive around the High Road? Can’t wait until he hits Seven Sisters.

Sergei is going to be in deep goulash over what he said. Spurs have done what they can to distance themselves from the Ukranian saying, "We do not tolerate discrimination of any sort at the club, on or off the pitch.”

"Tottenham has been at the heart of the local community for 126 years, and our passion on the pitch is shared with the passion we have for the borough."

Which is good to hear. But if Rebrov is looking to justify his comments he should say he meant a far from honest “dark skinned” person he used to work with, Sulzeer Jeremiah Campbell.

I’m not feeling the comments coming out of Fraizer Campbell. He was on BBC London banging on about his loan deal and made it clear he sees his time at Spurs as a way to impress Taggart and get back into the united team. If he played somewhere else I obviously wouldn’t care but when he’s talking about using our beloved lilywhites as a shop window to impress his old boss I can’t help but be pissed off. Fraizer said of his year as a Hotspur, “"Hopefully I can get some experience, come back and get a place in his (red nosed reindeer’s) team."

You’d hope that despite wanting to play for Man U he can do a job for Spurs unlike a certain floppy haired Bulgarian turn coat but Campbell’s comments to date don’t sound like he’s too committed to our cause.

It’s like him and his bird are ‘on a break’ so he’s going to use this time to grab hold of a slightly less enticing prospect, making his first bird wonder why she ever let him go in the first place and at the end of a year his true love will welcome him back with open arms.

Bollocks to that.

The only way he’s going to endear himself to this blogger is if he keeps hitting the back of the net with his new missus. But going by some of his quotes I’m not convinced.

"This is a new season and I have to concentrate on my new loan club" at least he could try and remember our name.

Word on the street is Comolli is cacking himself after the Spurs board rightly thought he ballsed up during the transfer window.

They’ve got a point, according to reports (which means a journo made it up) we missed out on Sergio Garcia who Ramos was very interested in. But it looks like we had a lucky escape elsewhere with our bids for Emile Ivanhoe Heskey and Kevin Doyle falling through.

You’ve got to think ‘about time’, Comolli has hardly covered himself in glory. For every Berbatov or Huddlestone signed we’ve had to endure a Rasiak or Rocha. He’s also overseen Carrick and Keane leaving when we needed them most.

There are a few stats that may bail Damo out. This summer we spent £77 million and recouped £72 million which basically means we got a brand new team for an outlay of £5 million. But this doesn’t tell the whole story, we have a smaller squad now and much of what we’ve bought is unproven in the Prem.

I’m just happy Comolli is being made to sweat over his position, now he knows how Martin Jol felt.

Don't want to rub it in but there won't be many more opportunities to see these without being physically sick.

I’ve gone right off the bloke but watching this makes the hairs on your neck stand on end.

As many a spurs fan I hate Chelsea. Not the upmarket corner of West London with the wine bars and the crumpet, but the small club from Fulham with a fan base who’ve supported them for three years tops.

Going to Stamford Bridge to get your arse handed to you is never fun.

So imagine last years trip to the bridge when because of ticket issues fellow Spurs fans Clarke and Crutch joined me in the Chelsea end to see us get beat 2-0. If it’s awkward being in the wrong end when your team is winning it’s like swallowing brambles when you’re in the wrong end and you’re losing. Especially when you’re flanked by Neanderthals and nouveau fans singing anti spurs songs.

Not swearing when the opposition score and sitting on your hands whenever we have a half chance takes more discipline than a particularly focused Shaolin Monk. It’s no fun at the time but I’d do it again.

Leave your tales of away day woes in the comments box, we'd love to hear your moans.

Is anyone missing league football already? It’s only 4 days since we played and I’m getting withdrawal symptoms. Obviously the International is important in the great scheme of things but I want to see Bentley and Jenas bonding in the Spurs midfield rather than wince any time they go into a tackle in case they do themselves a mischief.

Well done to the Under 21s. Good to see (well read) that Hudd and Lennon got a run out but more importantly stayed injury free. We’re expecting big things from those two this season, The Hudd especially. If we can find a terrier to tackle people then give Tommy the ball we could be on the verge of something special.

Then again…

North London natives since 1882, 1919 still not forgiven, Bill Nicholson – best ever, push and run, Greavsie, Gilzean, year ends in one. First British team to lift European trophy, first double winners. Hoddle, Waddle, Chas and Dave, cups, Ossie’s dream, “Is Gasgoine gonna have a crack? He is you know.” Klinsman’s dive, entertainers, decline, love a moan, false dawns, now’s our time, maybe next year, sell best players or walk for free. The Tottenham way.