Manchester City FC

What is wrong with football today? We can't use that old overpaid-poodle argument, because well it's...well old for a start. Corruption? Nah been around for decades. Referees - too obvious. Technology, rule changes, foreign players, the national team, grass roots...all old hat. What's wrong then? - In my not so humble opinion - the lack of humour.

When was the last time you laughed at a football match, and not in an ironical way. There used to be haircuts to laugh at, ref's tripping over the ball, goalkeepers coliding with the post, streakers, even the odd crazed steward or team mascot winding up the opposition fans. We used to laugh at the pies, 'who's ate all the meat!' An empty pastry case was as much part of match as a flooded urinal, if you didn't go home with your Puma's smelling of wee then you hadn't enjoyed yourself. We used to laugh at the one nutter in the crowd one took off his shirt on a freezing cold terrace in February, now half the Newcastle crowd come half naked anyway to prove their undoubted loyalty, but it ain't funny anymore.

We laughed at the bloke with the wispy wig who'd get a direct hit in the mush from a half volley from the centre-half up for a corner, sending wig and a scattering of teeth onto the terraces. We'd laugh at the solitary fan who tried to jump the wall and run half the length of the field to abuse their goalkeeper for making a lucky save, only to slip on the touchline and get pounced on by over zealous stewards. We'd laugh at the bloke who had brought his new girlfriend on their first date to Maine Rd, he'd nip off for a bovril and when he returned she'd legged it, everyone would laugh untill the poor chap himself would have to join in even though his heart was breaking. We'd laugh at the 'seasoned' professional who'd give the linesman (as they were known then) some well chosen advice about protecting his family jewels after awarding a foul against him for stamping in the face of the other team's left winger.

Yes football was funny. Now it's so serious if you even so much as smirk at a miss-hit free kick that lands in row ZZ the avid fan next to you gets upset and spends the rest of the game making over-loud comments to his mate like "I don't know why some people come, if I was them I'd stay home in my armchair..its safer" (17 expletives deleted). I miss football. I miss not giving a monkey's toss if we won or lost. I can't enjoy the defeats anymore...how did life become so serious, and dull.

Bazinho