The Football Blog

Note to self: Next time we go to Soho Square, take a proper camera...

We were invited to a "soiree"at FA Headquarters in Soho Square last night by the kind people at Everyman, to thank us for our coverage of their Tacheback campaign. Of course we were only too happy to turn up (albeit an hour late) to get involved with the free booze and grub on offer. And most importantly, hunt down Brian Barwick and have a scout around his office.

Sadly Big Bar wasn't there, and most of the doors in the plush building were locked (not that we were snooping around, honest...), but there was one other famous character there that we were only too happy to meet. Behold, Catflap lifts the FA Cup aloft (despite being told not to...). Sadly, as we'd forgotten to bring a proper camera, we had to make do with our camera phone instead, so apologies for the grainy effect*. Professional isn't it...

*Proper pics to arrive soon. We hope...

Partner of: Gary Lineker
Age: 29
Fact! Lineker's new Mrs has been the subject of some cracking tabloid headlines, our favourite being, "The bux top's here, Gary."

Click here to see our UK WAGs gallery...

We get to Dover, eventually...

Date: 20/06/08
Location: Dover, England
The Craic: We finally arrive at Dover, where we are searched, laughed at, and shouted at as we play football before getting on the ferry...

Can the evil one inspire the Magpies to success?

We think so. Which is why we've got some money on Newcastle winning tonight, and some more money on bad boy Barton netting the first goal. But just in case the Geordies are still hungover following their derby day loss to Sunderland on Saturday, we've also backed a West Brom victory. So it'll be a draw then no doubt...

That's right, another band from Manchester...

Since their debut single Cavorting was named as NME's single of the week last year, Manchester's latest musical offering, The Courteeners, have barely stopped. They've just completed a sell-out tour of the UK and drummer Michael Campbell took some time out to have a natter about their beloved Reds...

Steve Bruce, 'Arry Redknapp and John Carew caught our eye this weekend...

1. Steve Bruce has a new scar. Would anyone like to tell us just what the hell Brucey gets up to in his spare time?

2. 'Arry just loves surprises. When Setanta rang him to get his views on Pompey's game against Fulham on Sunday, he couldn't wait to tell them he'd be at White Hart Lane instead. What a professional way to break the news.

3. Spurs won't go down. Bolton will. And we don't care what anyone says, Liverpool will not win the League. Sorry and that...

4. John Carew knows how to break a curfew. Still, fair play to him, if you're going to do it, you might as well do it properly. Lapdancing, class.

5. Djibril Cisse is brilliant.

We get stuck at a crossing...

Date: 20/06/08
Location: Between Brighton and Dover, England
The Craic: More Sat Nav shenanigans, we get stuck at a train crossing, and Lex chucks Matt's CD out of the window...

Beckham: The real reason I’m going to Milan...

In this week's clock-watching issue of Catflap:

It's the Iain Dowie deja-vu game!

Click below to play!

We miss the ferry and Kid talks music...

Date: 20/06/08
Location: Brighton, England
The Craic: We head back to Matt Walker's for the Sat Nav after realising that we were set to miss the ferry anyway, while Kid goes through his shockingly poor CD collection...

Ryan Babel does a John Barnes...

Not that we've got a clue what he's saying. Though helpfully, YouTube has a translation. So it's probably bollocks...

Hungover on a Sunday morning? Need to play football? Here's the solution...

The chaps over at Nuts mag kindly sent us their new MenU (see what they've done there?), which they claim is a foolproof recipe for the modern man and his day-to-day problems. Need to stock up for marathon sessions of Pro Evo? They recommend smoked chicken, pear, walnut and celery salad to improve concentration. Concerned that you may let one off in an important meeting with the boss? They suggest Cinnemaon and Star anise honey poached strawberries with yoghurt to help digestion.

And if you need to quickly get over a hangover so that you aren't directly responsible for your team's 9-0 spanking on a Sunday morning, the reckon grilled minute steak and tomatoes is the answer. "The combination of nutrients like zinc, vitamin C and magnesium help make sure nothing gets in the way of your performance on the field." Well we'll certainly be putting that to the test soon enough...

If you fancy having a gander at that, check out the Nuts MenU here.

John Gorman has a word...

Former England assistant boss John Gorman took time out from promoting his new book to speak to us about working with Glenn Hoddle, playing in the States, being Scottish, and, yes you've guessed it, England penalties...

We set off on our epic journey...

Date: 20/06/08
Location: Brighton, England
The Craic: Matt W, Lex and Kid Sellers set off for Switzerland, stopping off via a local sign maker for vital logo additions...

Relive our epic Summer trip...

Date: 20/06/08 - 22/06/08
Location: All over Europe...
The Craic: The chaps at Fiat gave us a call last summer, inviting us to take part in their Bravo Challenge. It involved taking one of their new Fiat Bravo's, driving it anywhere we wanted, and bringing it back within 48 hours. And they gave us £250 to spend on what we liked too. Well, we weren't likely to turn a chance like that down were we? Our destination? Basle, Switzerland. In time for a bit of Euro 2008 quarter final action. Here we relive the whole trip with an episode for each hour of the trip. That's 48, in case you couldn't work it out...

Due to suspicious betting activity...

Apparently someone has put a fiver on Spurs winning a match...

Apologies. Actually we're not sorry at all. In fact, there's crap jokes like this and more thanks to those chaps at The Guardian, read them and chuckle at Spurs' fans expense here...

Partner of: Bastian Schweinsteiger
Age: 20
Fact! In this photo, the lovely Sarah is wearing a football top and holding two pints of beer. Which would make her the ideal woman, if the shirt didn't happen to be a Germany one...

Click here to see our International WAGs gallery...

We've gone all out tonight in a Champions League and Domestic frenzy...

Because Wayne Rooney's first goal against West Brom earned us a bit of online coin at the weekend, we've got the taste for this betting lark. So tonight we're whacking on four bets worth a grand sum of £4. Hey, we are in the middle of a financial crisis remember. And you'll not be mocking when you see the bets either...

Fulham, Arsenal, Tottenham and Fulham...

There's just no stopping Phil Brown's Hull is there? And we hope Paul Heaton is putting the lottery on this week given his prediction from 22 years ago came true following Hull's latest win over West Ham. Canny...

His name's Darren Farley...

And he does a mean Rafa. Anyone know him?

Check out this groovy new bit of online kit...

We've got to admit that we do love 5Live. It's much better than that TalkSport nonsense anyway. So when they got in touch with us to show off their new 5Live Football Player, we were only too happy to give it a whirl. It's a brand new widget that can be embedded into Facebook, Bebo, iGoogle and your own blog (see above). As you can see it's a pretty nifty bit of gadgetry, giving you access to up-to-date 5Live audio and video content. Never again will we miss the dulcet tones of Stuart Hall because our old man forgot where he'd parked the car...

Have a gander here...

We bring back an old Catflap favourite...

The early readers of Catflap Magazine amongst you (all seven of you) will recall one of our favourite old features, Citation Needed, which brought you the best unsubstantiated bollocks from everyone's favourite free online encyclopedia. As we were researching Stevenage striker Steve Morison (don't ask), we came across this beauty in his honours list. Truly heartfelt stuff. So we took a snapshot before those sad bastar...sorry, fine upstanding online bods who look after Wikipedia remove it. Check to see if it's still there by clicking here...

It's the UK's top football freestyler Billy Wingrove...

Just because the busy-bodies on London's Oxford Street aren't angry enough, freestyler Billy Wingrove turned up to stop traffic for the launch of FTChamps. Check out all the info here

Partner of: Darren Byfield
Age: 27
Fact! Jamelia is an ambassador for PETA, hence the photo above. Crack on...

Click here to see our UK WAGs gallery...

Partner of: Bernardo Corradi
Age: 26
Fact! Elena also used to date Christian Vieri. What is it with permanently crocked Italian strikers?
Click here to see our International WAGs gallery...

NO. 5: Gary Neville

Ever since he appeared on the scene at Man Utd, Gary has been sporting the same piece of bum fluff which now, 12 years later, just about resembles a man tache.

 

Azor says: No need for humour here folks. Neville is widely hated, I'd love to get my blades on him.

(Ex) Partner of: Ibrahima Sonko
Age: 26
Fact! The former Big Brother 'star' has her own show on S4C called Salon Imogen. Bet it's rubbish...

Click here to see our UK WAGs gallery...

That's torn it...

Calamity Keepers...

After the roaring success of our videode to corner kicks, we've been inundated with requests for more of the same. What? one email doesn't count as inundated? Well it does in our book.

Anyway, without further ado, here's our look at some goalkeepers making a right arse of themselves....

Japanese arse...

American arse...

>

Scottish amateur arse...

Carson arse...

The original arse...

(Ex) Partner of: West Ham's Swiss international, Valon Behrami...
Age: 27
Fact! Sara starred in the Italian potbolier Gli Ultimi Della Classe. We have no idea what it means either...

Click here to see our International WAGs gallery...

And don't worry, Escape to Victory will definitely not be showing...

Featuring brand new work by directors of international reputation and emerging talents of tomorrow, The Times BFI London Film Festival, sponsored by Jameson Irish Whiskey, is one of the chief cultural events of the year, and thanks to Jameson, we have two pairs of tickets to each of films below.
 
Enter our competition to win a pair of tickets to see Better Things or Bronson, plus, a bottle of the world’s no.1 selling Irish whiskey, Jameson.
 
Better Things: A restrained and beautifully articulated character study of the realities of life and love in rural England for youngsters on the fringes of adulthood trying to manage the issues of love, whilst filling their days with cheap drugs to combat their boredom and solitude.
Date and time: 17-Oct-08 at 21:00
Venue: ODEON WEST END
 
Bronson: Brave and challenging portrait of notorious lifer and the UK's 'most violent prisoner' Charles Bronson. Much anticipated and destined to court controversy this portrait of notorious lifer and the UK’s ‘most violent prisoner’, Charles Bronson, is an ambitious and brave attempt to create a biopic of a man who has spent 34 years of his life in prison, and 28 of those in solitary confinement.
Date and time: 17-Oct-08 at 23:00
Venue: NFT – BFI Southbank
 
Boasting a rich Irish heritage, triple distilled Jameson is the perfect accompaniment to all this year’s festivities.  Versatile, sophisticated, and playful – enjoy smooth tasting Jameson straight up, with a simple mixer or as a refreshing cocktail.
 
To be in with a chance of winning a pair of these much sought after tickets and a bottle of Jameson Irish Whiskey, simply send your name, address and contact number to editorial@madeupmedia.net by 7.30pm on Wednesday 15th October.

(Ex) Partner of: (Deep breath) Teddy Sheringham, Armand Traore, Marcus Bent, Jermaine Defoe and Gerard Pique...
Age: 24
Fact! Danielle appeared on a Glamour Models Special of The Weakest Link recently, and, unbelievably, won...

Click here to see our UK WAGs gallery...

Here we go again...

Recently, the relationship between director of football Damien Comolli and manager Juande Ramos has been so complex that even Stephen Hawking would need a bit of time to solve it. Today the soap opera took another twist when Comolli stated that, ''as a club we are in this together supporting each other to turn this around.''

Well, we've all heard this before, countless times. It isn't called the dreaded vote for confidence for nothing, just ask this lot....

1. Martin Jol
They said: ''Martin has my 100% support.'' Daniel Levy, Tottenham Chairman, 8th Aug 2007.
Outcome:  Sure enough, Martin was given his marching orders on the 26th Oct 2007. Spurs went on to finish 11th in the 07/08 season, 6 places lower than when the Dutchman was in charge. As for Jol, he is flying high with Hamburg SV at the top of the Bundesliga.

2. Alan Pardew
They said: ''I will be continuing talks with Alan Pardew on how he sees the future on the playing side. This is very much his domain and he has my full confidence.'' Then West Ham chairman Eggert Magnusson speaking on the 21st Sept 2006.
Outcome: After three years of despair and elation, Alan Pardew was finally kicked out of West Ham on the 11th Dec 2006 by Magnusson, who has since sold his stake in the club. Pards is now in charge of Charlton Athletic.

3. Sam Allardyce
They Said: "He has my full support. Sam is a very experienced manager, and I am sure he will work hard with his coaching team to turn the team around.''  Newcastle Chairman Mike Ashley on 31st Dec 07. 
Outcome: Surprise, surprise, on the 9th Jan 2008 big Sam was given his marching orders by Ashley. We reckon he's glad.

4. Peter Reid
They Said: ''Peter has our utmost support. He has the experience and the expertise to get us out of this mess.'' Former Leeds United CEO Trevor Birch.
Outcome: Leeds sacked Reid after a turbulent 22-match reign at Elland road. The straw that broke the camels back was a humiliating 6 -1 defeat at the hands of Portsmouth. The Leeds board brought down the axe on 10th Nov 2003.

5. Chris Hutchings
They Said: ''Chris is one of the best and most knowledgeable coaches in the Premiership and has my utmost support financially''. Chairman Dave Whelan, 23rd Oct 2007.
Outcome: After their sixth defeat in a row, Hutchings was given the push on 5th Nov 2007, not long after signing Titus Bramble.

The first footballer to start a Civil War...

With Yugoslavia still just about holding her states together, Boban's Dinamo Zagreb team (from what is now Croatia) played Red Star Belgrade (from, you guessed it, Yugoslavia) in a league match in May 1990. The game degenerated into hooliganism and, when Boban spotted the copper beating up a Zagreb fan, he went all Cantona on it. According to one serious Croatian historian, that kick was "the symbol of the uprising against the 70-year Serb domination in Yugoslavia." Blimey, maybe Bill Shankly was right...

Wayne from hot new Bristol band The Chemists gives us a bell...

Like Arsene Wenger's scouting network, we've always got an eye for hot new talent. Only unlike the short-sighted professor of football, our nets aren't simply cast in the sea of the beautiful game. No, our network of talent spotters go so far as the music industry, and here at catflapfootball.com you can look forward to some cracking interviews with some of the bright young things in pop. Like The Chemists, whose single 'Something for the Weekend' is out now. They're so new, when we rang bassist Wayne, we got through to a drainage company, where he was still working before they go on tour. Rock and roll...

(Ex) Partner of: Marcus Bent, Alan Smith, Cristiano Ronaldo...
Age: 23
Fact! Gemma appeared on All Star Family Fortunes recently, and her team didn't win a single point...

Click here to see our UK WAGs gallery...

It's Thursday, so it means only one thing. Waffa Cup nonsense...

Since we narrowly missed out on the Champions League moolah yesterday evening (no thanks to Nicolas Anelka...), we're giving the UEFA Cup a bash tonight. Behold out six-team accie, and try win money on the competition that will soon be known as the Europa Cup. As well all know here with The Championship, a fancy new name can't hide the fact that it's still dross...



£1 wins £63.34

He certainly wasn't lying when he said he couldn't wait to get rid of it...

If you read our Phil Brown interview the other day, you'll know that he wasn't overly keen on keeping his tache past the end date of Tacheback 2008. Well sure enough, he did exactly that today, along with the Hull chairman Paul Duffen and the Hull squad...

We speak to all round top chap Michael "Atters" Attwell...

Date: 30th September 2008
Location: Riley Snooker Club, Victoria, London.
The Craic: Here's the first clip from last night's Tacheback 2008 finale in Victoria, London. While there we bumped into this fine looking chap, one Michael "Atters" Attree, Editor of Roguishness for The Chap magazine. Thankfully, he was only happy to give us a few tips about our taches...

Ever bet on Anorthosis Famagusta?

Didn't think so. Well tonight is the night, with our Champions League seven team accie, plus a bonus treble draw special...



£1 pays £60.01




£1 pays £39.17

Partner: Harry Kewell
Age: 33
Fact! If you saw the pair on MTV's Cribs, you will know that their marble bath is so heavy it needed to be crane-lifted into their house. And if you didn't see it, you know now...

Click here to see our International WAGs gallery...

Toast. Like...

Divine Right Proof for Toon Army.

Here in Second Hand Land it's quite pleasurable (in a sick, small minded kind of a way) to look up, but not too high because we don't want to crick our necks, at turmoil and torture in the Promised League. For now at least we don't have to look any further than The Toon to clink our metaphorical glasses and say "there but for the grace of God..."

One story I thought would have had the nationals drooling over their laptops was that of 'Little' Dennis Hobcock and his prophetic brekkie. When my long lost second cousin thrice removed mailed me this tale I truly didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I'll let Lil' Den tell it in his own words, as transcribed...