The Football Blog

Q: Given the recent shenanigans going on at Newcastle, Mike Ashley gets in touch to ask for your expert advice on how to calm down thousands of baying, screaming Geordies. What do you tell him?

Jeff: "As a referee and a Smoggie (resident of Teesside) I too upset the Geordie masses from time to time with the odd decision against the Toon army. Never ever did I have the same affect on true football fans as this clown though. He should confess that he actually does know what beer tastes like and that if he makes a single penny profit out of the club he will donate it to a charity on Tyneside. My other advice to him would be to get the hell out of football and never come back!!!!."

See You Are The Jeff every week in Catflap Magazine.