Bolton Wanderers FC

Guten abend, meine freunds!

No - don't fret. That little message doesn't mean that I'm pissing off to join Bayern Munich - I'm only joshing you! Hohoho! I'll still be here for some time yet, sharing my musings with you. And, in a seamless link of the very highest order, here are this weeks observations...

* That lad's a father at the age of 13? What's his name - Benjamin Button? He doesn't look a day over 9 - I bet he still thinks his porridge pistol is for pissing out of. If he's the biological father I'm fooking Brad Pitt. Talk about a money making scam on behalf of the parents...

* How kind of Ant & Dec to give gobshites like Jonathan Wilkes, Richard Blackwood and Paris Hilton work. Still - saves us seeing them when we order our Big Macs and large fries at the drive-throughs...

* Uncle Wally can cook a mean lamb and chickpea stew. Very nice indeed, good sir...

* Ali's doing James and Oz's Yorkshire train-based beer crawl in a few months time. Marvellous stuff - hope it's on a Saturday when I'm not likely to be playing...

* Heather falling off the wall in Eastenders last week - I could feel the tremors back in Oman (though, I hasten to add, I don't watch such turgid shite - I merely tolerate it whilst Mrs Al-Habsi is glued to it night after night...)

* Micky Rourke - legend. Please win the best actor Oscar and keep going at Abi Titmuss - she'll surely crack in time...

* Even though I'm not a fan at all, it's a damned shame about Jade Goody. That is a terrible state of affairs.

* Jose v Fergie? Shit the bed - I can't wait for the next round of Champions League games to begin...