Bolton Wanderers FC

Hello mateys. Your favourite-ever Bolton centre-half Mark Fish here. Since my playing career came to an end I’ve eked out my days as part-time film critic for The Daily Sport (in the award-winning ‘Fish’s Flicks’ column) and generally lazing around while the missus does a decent days graft down the pit to put some food on the table and shoes on the kids.

Anyhow, with all this spare time on my hands I’ve been able to indulge in my favourite passion – classic television adverts. I remember the classic adverts of old when, as a slip of a lad in South Africa, I used to hide in the cellar, flick the portable on and marvel over the delights of the Cadburys Caramel bunny (damn, she was hot….) whilst singing along to the Special AKA’s marvelous ode to binge-drinking and casual sex, ‘Free Nelson Mandela’.

I did, however, have initial doubts about this column. After all, us ex-Bolton players have all taken a look at Prick Green’s daily spewings of shite on here and recognised it to be a bumper bag of arse biscuits. However, I was amazed to see just how many ex and current players he has on board and, as a result of this, I found the offer impossible to refuse.  

Anyway, onto my first post. My first classic advert to be appreciated will not be, as the title might suggest, Um Bongo (I’ll save that for a later date). It will be another fruit based drink in a carton – the marvelous Moonshine. Now I don’t know who came up with the idea of naming a kids drink after the product of illegal brewing practices by American rednecks but I do like their train of thought. That the drink itself tasted of fermented hippo piss didn’t matter – the advert was a masterpiece. Featuring the law-dodging escapades of contrabanding brothers Sammy the Stoat and his brother Irvine, it was a non-stop thrill ride which left you breathless whilst singing along to the brilliant bluegrass soundtrack. Enjoy it in its glory here: