Bolton Wanderers FC

Now - I work in Wigan so I'll have to be careful here...

We'll spank the swines!

Head says 3-0. Heart says 8-0. 5 for Elmander. 2 for Davo. 1 for Mario Jardel.

Get in there.

A win today, taking us to the cusp of safety.

The team should be buoyed by the sensational (almost) comeback against Chelsea and, although at home, I believe Pompey are there for the taking. They're struggling scoring this season and that bodes well for us. I can see Davo maintaining his outstanding run of form and terrorising Sol Campbell (as he did with John Terry when moved back to the frontline halfway through last weeks game) and Matty Taylor will take a punt anywhere from 1-30 yards away from goal, given his sky-high confidence at the moment.

Head says 1-0 Bolton. Heart says 3-0.

Let's get straight to the point here (and apologies to Youngy if you read this but you might want to look away now...) - let's get 3 points closer to safety and stick another nail in Boro's coffin. No room for sentiment here - we have to beat Boro and beat them well this afternoon. A good performance is long overdue so let's make it today.

In terms of team news, who knows? I doubt Megson will change things too much but I'd be tempted to chuck Smolarek in for Elmander. Elmander isn't up to the job whilst Smolarek surely deserves a chance having scored 4 midweek for Poland. Ok, it was against San Marino but none-the-less, 4 goals against anyone at international level is an impressive feat. My good brother-in-law Wally believes that Smolarek is too light-weight to fit into a Megson style team and, whilst he may have a point, I'd still be tempted to chuck him in. Davo can do all the hard work (and he should have a point to prove following Capello's very definite snub against him this week) so let's make good use of Ebi's obvious finishing ability.

Head says 2-1 Bolton. Heart says 5-0. Come on you whites!

PS - Good luck to the legend that is Big Al too.

Shortest match preview I’ve ever done as this is all that’s needed:

3 points and a vast improvement on last weeks performance.

Nothing else will do.

Hmmm – this doesn’t stand out as a potential classic (which goes some way to explaining why the tickets have been reduced to £10), but it will hopefully provide another 3 points for us. Fulham’s away form is awful (so get on them at the bookies to take 3 points tomorrow…) and we have to put in a decent display following the awful performance at Stoke. Megson criticised his team then, though openly admitted that the lack of depth in his squad severely limits his potential to shake things up.

So expect minimal changes from us (if any at all) – the only one I can potentially see is Gardner starting, though it remains to be seen if Megson agrees. Fulham, despite that away record, are a tidy team and have the players who can cause some damage (Johnson, Dempsey, Murphy, Davies etc.) so this isn’t cut and dried, though I’m hoping and praying that we’ll be another 3 points closer to safety come Saturday evening.

Head says 1-0 Bolton. Heart says 2-1 Bolton. Elmander and Davies (Mark) for us with Jimmy Bullard for Fulham (hohoho – just my little joke there! It will hopefully be John Paintsil, to bolster my fantasy team score…)

Hmmmm…… Ermmmmm….. Aahhhhhhh…

Well, Jussi Jaaskelainen is heading into Rivington to hunt for Puffins to be added to the delectable seabird risotto he’s cooking up for Mrs Jaaskelainen’s tea.

Gretar Steinsson is heading off to Budapest to take a starring role in the new Stephen Seagull movie ‘Badass Baddie Mauler 3 – The Return of the Eco-Flangemeister’. Gretar will play Baddie #3 in a scene where Mr Seagull kicks the arses of 37 gang members in a street brawl.

Fabrice Muamba is attending the ‘Johnny Vegas Pottery is Sexy’ workshop in St Helens.

Andy O’Brien and Gavin McCann are filming a pilot for their new sketch-show ‘O’Brien & McCann’. Having seen the piss-poor trailers for the new BBC3 vehicle for James Horden and Matthew Corne, it would appear that being amusing is no longer a basic requirement for a comedy show…

Matty Taylor is taking his missus to watch the Monsters of 80’s Rock tour at the Bolton Albert Hall, starring Poison, White Lion, Cinderella, The Quireboys & Def Leppard. What do you mean, you didn’t know Matty’s a rocker? Have you seen his tats?

Ebi Smolarek is fitting a hot-tub in his back garden. Seems a bit premature to me, but there you go…

Ariza Makukula is recording his version of the Los del Rio classic ‘Macarena’, with a view to making an assault on the charts in a couple of weeks. All together now; ‘Hey, who’s that stump earning 20k a week? Heeeeeeeeyyyyyyyy, Makukula!’

A point from this game will be a good return for us. I still believe Stoke will stay up and, whilst they’re doing ok on the road of late (the point at Villa on Sunday will have given them one hell of a boost), their home form will be crucial. The Britannia Stadium is a tough place to go to at the best of times, never mind when the team are buoyed by a good result and fighting for their lives. I hope Etherington (quality signing) and Abdoulaye Faye (should never have left the Reebok in the first place) don’t play but they’ve still got James Beattie to worry us, especially now that he’s showing that a player of his quality should never have been playing Championship football.

For us – Sunday’s result could prompt Megson to make a couple of changes. Muamba was ineffective and could make way for Ricardo Gardner, though much will depend on whether or not Megson decides to create a midfield ‘wall’ to break up the game? If he does, Muamba will start. If he wants to attack and win the game, Ricardo will get the nod. Andy O’Brien’s impressive display on Sunday should see him retain his place ahead of Puygrenier. Other than that, it should be as you were.

A physical battle, no doubt, but one with a bit more class than people will give both teams credit for. Good luck to Northy’s boys after this one but I hope we can keep up our decent run here.

Predictions? Head says 1-1. Heart says 2-1 Bolton…

Some video footage and fairly flippant stuff has already been used here as a preview but let's take a look at the match itself.

I'm expecting Gary Megson to field an unchanged line-up here, with Puygrenier and Emander retaining their places. Where NUFC are concerned - God only knows. Nolan is suspended and Guthrie looks likely to remain sidelined through injury. Nicky Butt aside, their midfield doesn't look to have much grit about it and this could well be where the game is won. NUFC's forwards have to take a grip of the game if they are to get anything from it. If Martins and/or Viduka starts, it strengthens their case. If Ameobi and/or Carroll start, they're up pooh's creek without a paddle.

I believe the crowd should be a decent one tomorrow and that should make for a decent game. My head says 2-1 to Bolton. My heart says 4-4 ....

This is my main concern for tomorrow. What a player. Unpredictable but, on his day, explosive and a joy to watch. There should be more players like Obafemi Martins in the Premier League - guys who can rip the back of the bloody net off. That's what we want to see - evokes memories of the marvellous Tony Yeboah. Special stuff.

I'll expand on the 'high-score-draw' theory.

Ok - a significant chunk of that is hope rather than expectation. But it could happen.

Neither defence has been what you would call watertight over recent weeks / months. Bolton seem to have goals in them (Taylor and Davies (Kev) in particular, and it wouldn't surprise me to see some added goal threat from Elmander, Davies (Mark) and Cahill/Puygrenier (from set-pieces) between now and the end of the season). The Toon have Martins, Viduka and Smudger Smith back in contention again, so there's certainly the potential for goals there (we'll omit Ameobi from that little list - never mind a cow's arse, he'd struggle to hit a blue whale's arse with a banjo...).

So, first impressions lead to an early prediction of 4-4. Not arsed about the scorers (though I'd like to see Elmander notch) - I just want goals. And lots of them.

I want a high score-draw on Sunday (for reasons why, see earlier posts). And amongst those goals, I'm sticking my neck out and saying the returning Johan Elmander and Obafemi Martins will be notching.

Elmander needs a swift goal to get his confidence up and to return to the form of the scoring spell he enjoyed at the back end of last year. In contrast, I believe Martins is a forward with bags of self-confidence and, on his day, he is one of the most exciting players in the league. Both will banish recent injury nightmares come Sunday afternoon...

I love it when the Toon (and Sunderland for that matter) come to the Reebok. They always bring a shedful of fans and the pubs are packed prior to kick-off. Friendly banter most of the time too - plenty singing, chanting and general good-natured ribbing. The way it should be all the time and excellent to see. Here's hoping the 1.00 kick-off on Sunday doesn't have a major bearing on that...

We will win. Simple as.

A bold statement? Yes, but we have to. There is no option but to win, following the appalling, dismal, abject display against Everton. We have a home game, albeit against a decent footballing team, but we simply have to win. West Ham are without Carlton Cole, which is a bonus for us. We will (hopefully) have Elmander replacing the underwhelming Makukula. The squad should be stronger than in recent weeks. Mark Davies should cement his rapidly growing status. Davo should ad to his fine goal tally this season. It just has to be a home win, with a buoyant crowd FULLY behind the team. Come on you whites.

Head says 2-1 to Bolton. Heart says 3-0 to Bolton. Here's hoping I'm not on here come Saturday evening / Sunday morning eating king-sized slabs of humble pie...

War? HURGHHH! What is it good for?

An apt theme tune for this game? The bollocksy, narrow-minded, stereotyping press-ponies of Fleet Street will surely try intimating as much, though they could well be wrong. No doubt they’ll highlight the physical attributes of those involved (the likes of Lescott, Cahill, Osman, Puygrenier, Kevin Davies etc), though that would be doing such talented players a great disservice. Both teams should be confident following significant victories during the past 7 days (us over Spurs and Everton over Liverpool) and this could be a good game. The boiling pot that is Goodison Park always lends itself to a fiery atmosphere anyway and many of the players on show should relish this one.

Everton will be a difficult team to beat; Cahill is top class, Arteta is magical on his day, Osman is an unsung hero, though not to the same degree as the excellent Phil Jagielka, who would certainly be in the England team if he played for Man United, Liverpool, Arsenal or Chelsea. For us? Well, Puygrenier should retain his place ahead of Andy O’Brien whilst Mark Davies should also be ready to build on his fantastic performance against Spurs last weekend. Makukula will continue to lead the line, hopefully managing to last 70 minutes rather than 60 this week before blowing out of his arse. The likes of Tamir Cohen and Johan Elmander are on the road to recovery, so the squad should look a little more robust in a couple of weeks or so.

Predictions? I firmly believe we can take something from this game. Head says 1-1 (Jo on his debut and Makukula breaking his duck, knocking one in off his arse). Heart says 2-0 to Bolton (Makukula & Matty Taylor).

My bid to cut down the length of some of my posts starts here (especially as recent match previews have had a very similar tone to them):

Cliche corner: The proverbial 6-pointer. Neither team can afford to lose. Jabber jabber jabber.

Team news: Not arsed about Spurs. We obviously won't have Nolan. Expect to see Basham retain his place and possibly the return of Gardner. Makukula should stay too, even though he'll be blowing out of his arse again after an hour.

Other info: Will be interesting to see how the fans react to Megson's (deserved in my eyes) defensive rant after the Blackburn game.

Prediction: Head says 1-1. Heart says 2-1 Bolton.

There’s no need to resort to the tedious media reportage claiming this match is all about Big Sam (even though he will obviously be referenced here), so let’s just take a look at the important aspects of this game. We are on a shocking run (though we have played the majority of the decent teams in this league over recent weeks), but the upcoming fixtures present a better opportunity to get some points on the board. Having now played most of ‘the big four’ home and away (with Chelsea away and Villa at home the only remaining fixtures we have against the current top five), every game is now going to be crucial. I still believe that home form will be crucial, especially where this game is concerned. As I believed when Allardyce took over, confidence has been restored to the Blackburn squad, the defence appears as strong as it was last season and the forwards (largely without Cruz of late) are scoring for fun. Will Roque play tomorrow night? Who knows but, to be honest, I’d rather he starts in place of Jason Roberts (who always seems to relish playing against us), though I doubt Roberts will be dropped – Allardyce has always been a big fan of his and coveted him a number of times whilst Bolton manager.

For us? Well, Nolan returns from his ban, but will he play? We also have Davies on board now, though it remains to be seen if Megson chucks him straight in or views him more as ‘one for the future’. As this is away game, expect to see a 5-man midfield supporting the lone striker. This may be Makakula (depends what Megson thought of him last week) – if not, Kevin Davies will lead the line against his old club.

This game could go anyway. There’s every chance of a boring 0-0. There’s a slimmer chance of an entertaining 3-3. There’s a very good chance of a crushing 3-0 victory for Blackburn. The best that Bolton fans can seem to hope for at the moment is to contain teams and catch them on the break. Therefore, my heart says 1-0 to Bolton, my head says 2-1 Blackburn.

Tomorrow's match against...ermmm....oh shit. We don't have a game. We went out of the FA Cup at the first hurdle, just like the Carling Cup, leaving us fans with a simple relegation battle to look forward to.

Here's some tumbleweed to represent our feelings tomorrow whilst most other Premiership teams enjoy the experience of an FA Cup battle...

Do-do-doooooo, come on and do the Conga.

Do-do-doooooo, it’s Conga night for sure.

And what is the reason for dancing like a loon to Black Lace’s piss-poor 80’s party anthem? The fact that Rio Ferdinand and Patrice Evra are missing, of course. Woo-hoo! 3 points for Bolton then. Let’s ignore the fact that the latest Old Trafford wunderkind Jonny Evans looks an able deputy for Ferdinand. Let’s also ignore the fact that Fergie can also call upon the services of the vastly-experienced Gary Neville, the prodigiously talented Rafael or the impressively versatile Darren Fletcher. They’ll implode and allow our freely scoring players to embark on a goal-fest.

Celebraaaate good times, COME ON! De-do-de-do-do, do-do-doooo.

What? There’s more good news which has prompted the warbling of Kool & The Gang’s disco-infused classic? Hell yeah! Wayne Rooney will also be missing. Double woo-hoo! Let’s ignore the fact that he’ll be replaced by little-known Argentinean troll-a-like Carlos Tevez – he’s crap anyway! Chris Basham will have him in his back pocket…

Oh dear. Time to wake up and smell the coffee. For all their injury woes, United are still capable of fielding a ridiculously strong team, which they undoubtedly will. For us, Gary Cahill may return (please, please, please…) and it has been suggested that French beanpole Puygrenier could make his debut. Elmander will probably still be injured, which should see Davo play up top on his own. Steinsson will return from suspension to further bolster the defence though I still really fear the worse tomorrow. Nothing more than a mullering I’m afraid, which we’ll quickly put to bed and put this nightmare run of fixtures firmly behind us. It will be a pleasure to hold my hands up and show I’m a pessimistic prick if we do get something from this game but I really can’t see it. Head says 3-0 to United. Heart says 0-0 would be fantastic…

This game should be subtitled ‘The Missing’, given the number of key players who will be watching from the sidelines. For Arsenal, Gallas and Silvestre are the new crocks, in addition to long-term absentees of the likes of Fabregas, Eduardo, Rosicky etc. On the flip-side, we’ll be without Steinsson and Nolan due to suspension. This makes for an interesting proposition – to see how we’ll play without Nolan. He’d be the first to admit this hasn’t been his greatest season with the club though there is still a feeling that it wouldn’t be right to drop him. However, how long can the team support an underperforming player? Megson was raging about half a dozen or so underperforming players following the Sunderland defeat last weekend and, whilst putting on a respectable front and not naming names, it would seem highly likely that Nolan falls into that category. As a result of this, expect Megson to play 5 across the middle (Taylor, Gardner, Muamba, McCann & Davies) with Elmander on his own up top. Unless, of course, he opts to really shake things up and inject some youth into the mix, though that seems highly unlikely given Megson’s recent admissions that it is still too early to toss some of the promising youngsters into the melting pot of the Premiership (especially a difficult game at the Emirates).

Despite their absentees, Arsenal will quite rightly start the game as red-hot favourites, especially given our recent form. However, we should have enough pride and fight about us to give them a good game and much will depend on the midfield battle. If Arsenal are dominant in this area and provide good service to Adebayor / Van Persie / Bendtner (whoever Wenger opts for really), we’ll get mullered. If we can stifle their play, we may just nick something from this. Head says 2-0 to Arsenal. Heart says 1-0 to us…

How the hell can this game be predicted? What line-ups will Ricky Sbragggagagraiiagagdgdggfgfagia and Gary Megson put out? Haven't a clue about Sunderland (and don't particularly care, to be honest with you) but it looks like Megson will put out a fairly strong starting XI (the local press this week has reported on the sparsity of the first team squad and the fact that Megson has no option but to put a strong team out). I still believe he'll throw a couple of the young lads in (Basham? Obadeyi?) but it should still be a relatively strong team. I can see Sbragia doing the same though, if for no other reason than to prevent a reoccurrence of the 4-1 spanking we gave them up there in November.

Because of the lackof knowledge of the starting line-ups, my predictions will be 1-1 (head talking) or 5-0 to Bolton (heart talking). Come on you Whites - a trip to Wembley would be welcome this season...

The festive games are always belters and this local derby should be extra spicy. It's a massive game too, with Wigan sitting 2 points above us in the league. A victory tomorrow will lift us above the pie-eaters and Fulham, who'll get piss all out of Chelsea at Craven Cottage. That would be a huge blow to Wigan, who have a tricky few weeks ahead of them (after us they've got Spurs, Man United, Man City, Liverpool and Villa). 0 points from those games, plus the loss of Zaki, Heskey, Valencia & Palacios in the transfer window, will make it a January to forget for the Uncle Joes Mint Ball munchers from down the road...

On a Bolton front - not much to say, other than Davies simply has to return (in place of Muamba, at a guess). With a buoyant home crowd behind them, the lads should step up to the plate here and take the 3 points. Head says 2-1 to Bolton. Heart says 4-0, with Nolan finally notching his first league goal of the season. Come on you whites! 

I don’t bloody believe it. Just when you think he’s out until 2009, there are rumours abound that Fernando bloody Torres may well figure tomorrow. Unbelievable. If he does, hopefully it will just be on the bench and then, by the time he gets on the pitch, we’ll have the game won anyway…! Should be more of the same in terms of Megson’s starting line-up though, instead of the out-and-out 4-4-2 he successfully adopted last Saturday, expect a far more cautious approach here. Liverpool head into the game in the surprising situation of being in the midst of a dodgy run of results at Anfield. Therefore they’ll give us our customary tonking whenever we head along the M62. I’d like to think we’re capable to get something out of this game but I expect the Scousers to be too strong on this occasion. Heart says 1-1. Head says 2-0 to Liverpool. Come on you Whites!

The final fixture before Santa Claus hauls his fat lazy arse from his Lapland lair and what a tricky one to call, between 2 of the most schizophrenic teams in the league this season. Portsmouth, at times can be excellent (on their day Crouch and Defoe are one of the finest forward-pairings in the league) though, on occasion this season, they have been rotten. Pretty much like us really. To my mind, the key to success tomorrow is how Cahill and O’Brien handle Crouch and Defoe. I firmly believe that they have enough about them to stop Crouch from performing but my worry is with Defoe. They’ve struggled against pace this season and I think Defoe is due a consistent run of goals. If they can stop him, the likes of Elmander, Davies, Taylor and (please, please, please…) Nolan will get chances against a shaky looking Pompey rearguard and should take home the spoils. However, stopping Defoe will be easier said than done. I was right in predicting Ashley Young would be crucial last week – I’ll be very happy to admit getting this one horribly wrong if Defoe has one of his quieter games this season. So, and ignoring the Defoe factor, the heart says 2-1 or 3-1 to Bolton. Head says 2-1 also. Come on you whites and stop the nippy little bugger up front…

Time to get back to winning ways!

Ok, that may be a little optimistic, but why the hell not? It’s Christmas, we’re not playing one of the big four (but the best team outside that elite group…) and we’re playing quite well at the moment. Villa, whilst being very impressive for much of this season, have had the odd off-day – hopefully tomorrow will be another for them. Stopping the phenomenal Ashley Young (how the hell is he not a regular in the national team?) is absolutely crucial and, as such, it’s a massive game for Steinsson tomorrow. It’s clear to see he’s very effective going forward, though tomorrow will be the sternest test of his defensive abilities to date. Stop Ashley Young and I believe you have a very good chance of stopping Villa – it’s as simple as that. Not doing a disservice to the other Villa players there (the likes of Agbonlahor, Barry, Sidwell, Laursen & Friedel would walk into most Premiership teams), but Young is the key. Personally I’d make sure we have someone (McCann? Muamba? Davies? I don’t mind who, as long as it’s someone…) sticking to the right wing just in front of Steinsson, as extra support. Time will tell what tactics Megson adopts tomorrow…

No real injury concerns where we’re concerned, other than Joey O’Brien is still out with a torn thigh. I’m guessing Megson will stick with the same line-up again, and that’s no bad thing given recent performances. This really is a period which could establish how the rest of the season pans out for us. The next 4 games are Villa (A), Portsmouth (H), Liverpool (A) and Wigan (H). If we can get 6 or 7 points from those games there should be enough daylight between us and the bottom 3 to prevent being dragged into a relegation battle. Anything less than 4-5 points could see a number of teams overtake us by the New Year, such is the state of the league this season.

Heart says 2-1 to us. Head says 1-1. Come on you Whites!

One of the big games of the season and a real test for an in-form Wanderers when the Stamford Bridge magicians come to town. That Phil Scolari has taken a bit of flak recently is, to my mind at least, absolutely ridiculous. They are one of the finest teams in Europe, have world class players in every position (and as back-up too) and have an excellent manager. They are second in the league (just 1 point behind Liverpool) and, unbelievably, have won all 7 of their away league games so far this season, scoring a phenomenal 19 goals and conceding just once. A few minor hiccups at home do not make them a bad team and, on their day (which is quite often), they play some sublime football.

Today they'll be looking to maintain that record at The Reebok and, quite rightly, are favourites to do so. Whilst I think Chelsea will win, I can see us giving them a few things to think about. Confidence is everything in football and we look full of it at the moment, as a team unit and individually. With no new injury problems to be concerned about (Matty Taylor should be ok to play), we can actually look forward to this and look to give Chelsea a real game.

Predictions? Heart says we can get a 1-1 draw out of it though the head says Chelsea will nick it with the odd goal in 3. Lampard and Anelka (he does like scoring against his old clubs), with Kevin Nolan notching his first league goal of the season for the whites (and I'll keep saying this until he bloody manages it...)!

Hopefully the second NE trip in the space of 8 days will bring a similar result to last Saturday’s excursion to Smogland. Sunderland, for me, are in a false position in the league. Roy Keane seems to be defying my expectations (I thought he’d be a poor manager) and, although he’s made some dubious signings and tinkers with his starting line-up too often for my liking, I still think he’ll get it right up there (even if the pots of cash do help). The jury is still out on a few of his players (stand up Craig Gordon, Andy Reid, Anthony Stokes etc, and the less said about Greg Halford the better…) but the likes of Kenwyne Jones, Djibril Cisse, Steed Malbranque & Kieran Richardson look astute moves. And then there’s a certain El Hadji Diouf…

The local rag today quotes Kevin Davies taking a bit of a back-handed pop at Dioufy, claiming that the Bolton players expected him to go to a bigger club than Sunderland (who, after all, only finished 1 place above Bolton last season and are currently struggling at the wrong end of the table), especially as Dioufy was making overtures about seeking European football and joining a big club during the first few months of 2008. It remains to be seen if Diouf starts (surely Cisse & Jones are the 1^st choice front pairing?) though I hope he doesn’t – there’s nothing more certain than a game against an ex-club to really put the fire into the belly of any player.

Where the whites are concerned, it should hopefully be as was last Saturday. Now Elmander has the goal-scoring monkey of his back he should relax a little and hopefully hit the goal trail with more regularity. Davo and Matty Taylor are hitting the net quite consistently now though I’m hoping for a Kevin Nolan goal tomorrow, just to give him the gentle boost he surely needs at the moment. Sunderland should be hard to beat on their own turf though, so whilst my heart says 2-1 to Bolton, the head says 1-1. Jones & Nolan the scorers.

The Boro games are usually spicy affairs and it’s always good to see Pogatetz and Davo rekindle their age-old friendship. I’m sure these 2 secretly love playing against each other and it’s nice to see a good physical battle in an age where players get booked for farting within 10 yards of an opponent. Hopefully Pogatetz will play as the Boro apparently have concerns over their main centre-half pairing (with Chris Riggot also doubtful).

There will hopefully be no such worries with Bolton though, with Max Branning from Eastenders having some key decisions to make. Will he stick with Elmander (and actually try to restore his confidence by playing him up top, rather than on the wing)? Will he also play Davo alongside him in a conventional 4-4-2? Will he actually play a formation that will allow Kevin Nolan to press forward in search of his 1^st league goal of the season, rather than packing the midfield out and stifling his attacking intentions? Will he accommodate Ricky Gardner and/or Riga or will they find themselves on the bench again? So many options make it impossible to call so all we can hope for is that Megson gets his tactics spot on and we return home with 3 points in the bag.

I actually have a good feeling about this game. Yes, Boro are on an unbeaten run and should be relatively confident, but I feel they could be there for the taking, especially if we apply ourselves correctly from the onset. Play Elmander and Davo up front together, allow Nolan and Matt Taylor to press forward often and let Muamba (and McCann, if he starts) to sit deep and break up any Boro moves. Easier said than done but I feel that’s the winning formula here. Heart says 2-1 to Bolton. Head says 2-1 to us.

Come on you White men.

It’s unusual to be typing a preview in a buoyant mood but that’s what two consecutive victories do for you. They were perfectly timed as the next 4 fixtures see away trips to Boro and Sunderland sandwiched by tough home games against Chelsea and, this Saturday lunchtime, Liverpool. In keeping a positive mood going I’m noting that we haven’t always been walloped by the Big 4 at the Reebok – indeed, we beat Liverpool here in September 2006 and August 2004, which was Rafa’s first defeat as Liverpool manager. Confidence should be high amongst the players and hopefully the Reebok faithful will lay off Megson during the match (for all the criticism I’ve aimed at him via this blog this season, I’ve never booed him or any players at a game and I never will). There’s a time and a place for spleen venting and it isn’t during a vital match when the players need encouragement and support.

It will be interesting to see what starting line-up Megson puts out. He should keep faith with Elmander and Gardner, though Kevin Nolan is available again following suspension, whilst I’d like to see a little more of Smolarek. However, the game concerns me due to the fact that Torres is likely to return. I’ve always rated this guy and the Premier League is really bringing out the best in him – he is a genuine world class talent; one of the top 2 or 3 strikers in world football today. Blend that with a newly-confident Robbie Keane (goals breed confidence), an impressive looking Albert Riera and Steven Gerrard covering every inch of grass whilst stamping on Nolan’s chest and you’ve got a daunting task ahead. I’ll be happy with Megson packing the midfield and trying to stall Liverpool’s free-flowing football (for once I’ll be very content with a dull-as-shite 0-0 here) though I expect Liverpool will just have too much class in the end. Heart says 0-0 (or even 1-0 to us…) though head says Liverpool will win by the odd goal in 3…

Where to start with this one? The man who could have been Bolton manager (he did win 4 out of 5 when caretaker boss after all) versus a so-called struggling current manager who picked up a morale-boosting win against City last Sunday. We'll be missing Kevin Nolan (who is suspended) and speculation is rife as to who will replace him, with Ricardo Gardner and Johan Elmander seemingly in the frame. Hull will be buoyed by the return of skipper Ian Ashbee in the middle of the park. Just to add a bit of extra spice, ex Reebok favourite Stelios may make his Hull debut whilst another old boy, Bernard Mendy, should be in the frame after a goal-scoring cameo from the bench at Old Trafford last weekend.

Hull will attack, Bolton will defend. At the beginning of the season I'd have pinned this down as an away win. What a difference 3 months makes - now I'll be very happy with a draw. Heart says 1-0 to Bolton. Head says 1-1. Either way, here's to Hull continuing their excellent start to the season and hopefully to Bolton building on last Sunday's excellent result.

After far too many international breaks of late, another Prem fixture is upon us. The visit of Everton is usually a spicy affair, though I fear this could be another dull match. Everton haven’t exactly been the most entertaining team around recently, although we make them look positively Brazilian. No major losses for us (though McCann will start his suspension), so it should be interesting to see who Megson replaces him with. It wouldn’t surprise me to see him play Al Habsi in his place, just to shore things up a little more…

So another defensive approach wouldn’t be a surprise. Everton, on the other hand, look to have some scoring potential now that Saha is partnering Yakubu up front. That looks to be a potentially impressive front pairing, if Saha can remain injury free. Plus there’s attacking potential elsewhere in the team, with Osman, Arteta, Sasquatch (their new Portugese signing) and Lescott, hence I can see Megson adopting an away-from-home approach and going ultra-defensive yet again. I hope I’m wrong though – it’s time Elmander started delivering but he’s going to need greater service in order to achieve that.

Heart says 1-0 to Bolton. Head says 0-0 (yet again) or a 1-0 win for Everton (Saha getting off the mark…).

Stuff and bloody bollocks. In terms of piss-poor timing, this is up there with Kerry Katona's decision to have a couple of Panda Shandies before going on This Morning last week. I don't believe it. Just before playing Bolton, Spurs sack Rughead Ramos and get bloody Harry Redknapp in charge. And, just to compound our misery even further, he's picking the team and giving them a pep-talk prior to the game.

For fooks sake. Are they going to raise their game? Of course they are. Are they going to bust a gut to impress their new manager? Of course they are. Redknapp wil have them pumped up in a way which Ramos never would have done. I really do fear the worst now.

Heart says we can grind out a dull-as-shit 0-0.

Head says Spurs will win 2-0.

Cryogenically frozen cynical bastard head can only see a 7-0 rout for Spurs.

Doh....

God, I have a bad feeling about this game. On current form, Spurs couldn't win a pig in a poke. We're not much better but they are dire. So why do I have a very strong feeling they're going to notch their first league victory of the season? Even with half their defence missing (Bale & Dawson suspended, King unlikely to play after figuring on Thursday, Woodgate a doubt) I still fear the worst. And I fear Megson will to and will therefore continue to adopt an ultra-defensive approach. No real injury worries for us (only Vaz Te missing again, but it's not as if he's been featuring regularly) so the prospects should be quite positive. But I'm still worried.

Heart says 1-0 to Bolton.

Head says 0-0 bore-draw.

Cryogenically frozen head that comes out on special occasions and is a real cynical bastard says 1-0 to Spurs, with Jermaine Jenas netting the only goal...

We simply have to win this one... 

This is a difficult match to preview in that it’s impossible to call, as both teams have the capability of beating anyone else in the league when they play to form, whilst also having the capability of being absolutely awful on occasion. History isn’t with the Whites here, having last being victorious over Blackburn at home in the Premier League some eight-and-a-half years ago. However, it appears that Ginger Mourinho has a few selection problems (of the positive kind), which makes a pleasant change this season. Expect the team to be as was when beating West Ham a couple of weeks ago, with one possible exception: will Matt Taylor replace Ricardo Gardner on the left of midfield?

I would guess so. Gardner has been in excellent form so far this season, adding some consistency to his game and working the channel well. However, Taylor showed what a threat he can be when coming off the bench to hammer a free-kick home in that West Ham victory and I just feel that Megson fancies him more. Plus, Gardner has figured twice for Jamaica in the last 7 days and could well be knackered, whilst Taylor should be as fresh as a daisy.

I fancy another victory for us here. Blackburn are unpredictable but I’m hoping the current good run (in terms of goals) that Super Kevin Davies is on will rub off on Elmander and he’ll kick-start his season again here. If our excellent centre-half pairing of Cahill and ‘Snozzles’ O’Brien (as I’ll call him from now on in, to avoid confusion with Joey) can keep Santa Cruz quiet, I’m opting for a 2-0 win. Muamba will give Nolan a license to roam and he likes the battles against Blackburn, so he is the call to open his account for the season with the opening goal of the game, with Elmander notching the second.

Come on you Whites!

Firstly, it’s ridiculous that we’re having another international break so soon in the season. Sifaeli hit the nail on the head a few weeks back (see his musings here) and I share his sentiment. So, rather than reviewing any matches, I’m just hoping that the following come through unscathed and are fit and ready for the local derby v Blackburn next Saturday.

Gretar Steinsson & Heidur Helguson (Iceland v Holland)

Johan Elmander (Sweden v Portugal)

Tamir Cohen (Israel v Luxembourg)

Jussi Jaaskelainen (Finland v Azerbaijan)

Ricardo Gardner (Jamaica v Mexico)

Danny Shittu (Nigeria v Sierra Leone)

Ebi Smolarek (Poland v Czech Republic)

Joey O’Brien (R.O.Ireland v Cyprus (Wed))

Adam Bogdan (Hungary v Albania)

Fabrice Muamba (England U-21s v Wales)

Ali Al Habsi (Oman training camp in Spain )

Good luck fellas. Here’s hoping you get decent results to get the confidence levels up and are all fit and well upon your return next week.

Oh, and good luck England. I do want the national team to do well but they’ll always be a distant second to club football in my eyes.

Bloody typical. West Ham were looking dodgier than a Rob Styles penalty decision when along comes Gianfranco Zola and, in next to no time, seemingly galvanises the team into a half-decent outfit. Pooh-shoots. At least they’re missing Dean Ashton but, this game aside, I feel sorry for the bloke. I’m a huge fan of Ashton and he’s had nothing but crap luck with injuries for a while now. Here’s hoping he makes a swift recovery and is soon hitting the back of the net again. In stark contrast, Megson has a full squad to choose from for the first time since the opening day of the season, which should mean Taylor and Elmander will return and give the team a much solider look. With the spine of the team back in place (i.e. Cahill, Nolan, Taylor, Davies, Elmander) things look slightly more positive than they did a couple of weeks ago. Current form suggests West Ham will win but the lads should be up for this and at least a draw should be on the cards. Head says 1-1. Heart says 2-1 to Bolton. It’s vital that we start picking up points again and avoid being dragged down into the bottom 3.

This match cannot be previewed in anything like a serious manner (given that we all know the final score will be either 3-0 or 4-0 to Man Utd) so the preview will instead be in the style of, and pay tribute to, the greatest football summariser of all time; the inimitable Stuart Hall.

Saturday the 27^th September in the year of our Lord 2008. An apocalyptic cloud group forms above the M61 as the anxious Spartans in white head gingerly over the hill from the shire of Horwich to face the gladiatorial might of the Persians at the battle of Old Trafford. The omens are ominous. The sages predict a massacre. The runes spell out a tale so foreboding it would see the mightiest of God-like warriors shit a brick. Copper-topped deity Garessius Leonidas of Megsonia has set-up his warriors for the battle of an age, with a blood and guts approach being the one and only tactic to be employed. However, wily old goat Sir Alexena of Fergooson has a well honed, fully fit squadron of tip-top giants to opt from. Will the gallant Spartans hold strong in the face of such adversity or will the sheer might, will and quality of the Persians vanquish them in a one-sided onslaught? Only the immortals know for sure, though time will tell...

A little known fact for all you trivia fans is that legendary Motown smoothie Lionel Richie is a huge Premiership fan and all his lyrics are a reflection of the current happenings in the ‘greatest league in the world’. Hence, Hello is a reflection of the one word of English which Juande Ramos is prepared to learn, Penny Lover is an ode to all the superstars who will soon be joining Man City (how they love their pennies…) and Easy is an inspired insight into how simple it is to beat Newcastle now-a-days. But it’s the opening lines of Dancing On The Ceiling, written especially for BWFC, which are really spot on:

‘What is happening here?

 Something’s going on that ain’t quite clear…’

Very prophetic Lionel, my old mucker. Very prophetic indeed. We just don’t know what’s going on at the minute being, as we are, on the crest of a slump. The star striker may return tomorrow (he may not…), though Matty Taylor is still out and Cahill will be serving the last game of his ban. Which means a defence which doesn’t look too sturdy since Danny Shittu took his place now has to stop the bang-in-form duo of Adebayor & Van Persie. Plus Fabregas, Walcott and, possibly, Nasri. Dear, oh dear, oh dear….  Desperation leads us to believe that one of the famous battling victories of old, against the odds, will occur once again. Or that Arsenal will be knackered after playing in Kiev on Wednesday. However, common sense leads us to believe that they will keep up their red-hot Premiership scoring streak and stick 2 or 3 past us. Heart says 2-1 to Bolton. Head says either 2-0 or 3-0 to Arsenal.

*your humble scribe wanders aimlessly off into the distance, gently muttering ‘I know it sounds funny but I just can’t stand the pain….’ *

It pains me to say it but everything points to a Fulham win here. Firstly, the historical omens; Bolton haven't won at Craven Cottage in the league since the 1992/3 season. Secondly, recent action; Fulham haven't played for 3 weeks (when they beat Arsenal). Bolton have played in that period and couldn't beat West Brom. Thirdly; the missing players; Fulham have a relatively full strength (and sizeable) squad to pick from. Bolton are still missing Cahill, Taylor and Elmander. Possibly Gardner too. Plus rumours are that Smolarek will not be ready to make his debut, which leaves us woefully short up front. And, the final factor - Jimmy Bullard. After the rumours linking us with one of my favourite Premiership players last month, he's still at Fulham. So you can guarantee that he'll play a blinder and probably bloody score. Heart says 1-0 to Bolton. Head says 1-0 to Fulham...

Why am I severely concerned at the moment? After such a promising season opener against Stoke, successive defeats to Newcastle and Northampton have seen the skies darken again round these parts (literally and metaphorically – bloody English weather). Those defeats alone would be bad enough but, just to really crap in our kettle, Elmander and Taylor have been ruled out through injury (for a few games apparently) and Cahill will miss the game due to his red card on Tuesday night. All factors which are making my bottom slightly twitchy at this moment in time. It doesn’t help that West Brom are yet to pick up their first points of the season and will probably be looking at these latest results with some degree of pleasure – could there possibly be a finer opportunity to get some points on the board than against a team missing 3 of it’s best players and coming off the back of a seriously demoralising cup defeat? As for replacements for the 3 missing players, my money would be on Shittu, McCann and Riga, though time will tell.

Given my excellent midweek tipping skills (3-0 to Bolton? Bugger…sorry Baldylocks...), I’ll refrain from making predictions for this one. See my separate betting post for ‘proper’ tips, if that’s your thing. Where this game is concerned I’ll settle for a 1-0 victory straight from a speculative Jaaskelainen punt up-field, if that’s what it takes.

This really is interesting. Local press suggests that Ginger Mourinho will field as strong a line-up as possible as he's placing considerable importance on this competition this season. Whether or not he does remains to be seen, so speculation is rife at the moment. If so, expect a not-too-disimilar line-up from Saturday, though Elmander (hamstring) and Taylor (toe) are doubts. That could mean a first start for Mustapha Riga, who a number of Bolton fans are waiting to see in action. Other possibilities for a starting berth include squad members Shittu, Cohen, McCann, Gardner and Hunt. Any of those should see a line-up too strong for Northampton Town.

And that's where the butterflies kick in. This is the Carling Cup, shocks will happen. Teams from lower leagues will raise their game and Northampton, whilst having made an indifferent start in League One, will still carry enough of a threat to kick Bolton squarely in the Cobblers. If Bolton are to progress in this competition (and another Carling Cup final would be very welcome this season), they have to respect their opponents. Class should tell in the end though and a 3-0 Bolton victory is predicted (available at a tempting 11/1). If Riga does start, the 5/1 on offer for first goal also appeals. Cohen, if starting, also looks value at 18/1.

A very intriguing fixture indeed. Considering some of the media’s so-called ‘experts’ were predicting stormy times ahead for both clubs this season, the opening weekend proved promising for both. Will this be the weekend when either shows their true colours?

Where Bolton are concerned, it will be a surprise if Megson makes any changes from the team which dispatched of Stoke so easily. Keep the momentum going and all that cliché-ridden nonsense. More of the same from Elmander, Davies, Muamba et-al would be very welcome indeed. Will Megson be more cautious away from home? Only time will tell, though I believe it's likely.

But, and it’s a big but, Newcastle looked very competent in taking a point from Man United last Sunday. Their beautifully coiffured Argentinean duo looked to be excellent signings, Martins was his usual bag of unpredictable tricks up front and Stephen Taylor proved, yet again, why he is a top class centre-half. My main concern though is the damage Danny Guthrie could do to us. He looked a class act here last season, despite Megson playing him out wide far too often, and Keegan obviously realised this and stuck him in the middle of the park last week. This is undoubtedly his best position and that showed against the Champions. I wish we could have kept hold of Guthrie – he looks to be an excellent talent. Hopefully though, he’ll have a severe off-day on Saturday.

Making a prediction on this one is very difficult, given the unpredictable nature of both teams. However, I can see Megson going defensive and, for that reason alone, I’ll go for a 0-0 (available at a very tempting 9/1). Failing that, Martins will probably hit a screamer from around 70-yards out to give the Toon a 1-0 victory. Or a 7-0 victory for Bolton, with Steinsson hitting a double hat-trick and Nolan knocking one in off his arse…

Formed 1874. Founder members. Three FA Cups in 20’s. Nat Lofthouse – Lion of Vienna. Super Frank Worthington – Elvis fanatic. 80’s doldrums. Colin Todd – back on track. Big Sam – miracle worker. Djorkaeff, Okocha & Campo – legends. UEFA Cup. Anelka – world class. What’s he doing here? Lack of cash – goodbye Big Sam. Thanks for the memories. Megson – same all over again? The jury’s out…