Bolton Wanderers FC

Hmmmm…… Ermmmmm….. Aahhhhhhh…

Well, Jussi Jaaskelainen is heading into Rivington to hunt for Puffins to be added to the delectable seabird risotto he’s cooking up for Mrs Jaaskelainen’s tea.

Gretar Steinsson is heading off to Budapest to take a starring role in the new Stephen Seagull movie ‘Badass Baddie Mauler 3 – The Return of the Eco-Flangemeister’. Gretar will play Baddie #3 in a scene where Mr Seagull kicks the arses of 37 gang members in a street brawl.

Fabrice Muamba is attending the ‘Johnny Vegas Pottery is Sexy’ workshop in St Helens.

Andy O’Brien and Gavin McCann are filming a pilot for their new sketch-show ‘O’Brien & McCann’. Having seen the piss-poor trailers for the new BBC3 vehicle for James Horden and Matthew Corne, it would appear that being amusing is no longer a basic requirement for a comedy show…

Matty Taylor is taking his missus to watch the Monsters of 80’s Rock tour at the Bolton Albert Hall, starring Poison, White Lion, Cinderella, The Quireboys & Def Leppard. What do you mean, you didn’t know Matty’s a rocker? Have you seen his tats?

Ebi Smolarek is fitting a hot-tub in his back garden. Seems a bit premature to me, but there you go…

Ariza Makukula is recording his version of the Los del Rio classic ‘Macarena’, with a view to making an assault on the charts in a couple of weeks. All together now; ‘Hey, who’s that stump earning 20k a week? Heeeeeeeeyyyyyyyy, Makukula!’

No Latest News posts since last Tuesday (with a winning Inter v Man United correct score bet)?

No Catflap Mag in the in-box last Friday?

Your loyal servants are getting concerned - is everything ok fellas? My BWFC columnists are getting twitchy!

This seems a slightly strange situation, especially having watched MOTD2 last night (has he really been working without a contract for the past 18 months?) but, regardless of that, it’s good news. That a 12-month rolling-contract has been awarded suggests that Gary’s doing something right. 10^th in the league, with a top-half finish a definite possibility, given the remaining fixtures, should be awarded. Plus we need some continuity and stability at the club – Premiership big-wigs are depressingly trigger-happy these days and a revolving door policy with managers doesn’t benefit anyone. Megson has made some excellent signings, the boo-boys appear to be water-off-a-duck’s-back to him (though it must secretly hurt him, to some degree at least…) and, though there’s room for improvement, he’s doing a pretty good job. Long may it continue.

Interesting (and, for what it's worth, spot on) quotes from Gary Megson in the local rag today:

"We had qualified for the UEFA Cup the year before but then found ourselves rank bottom of the table. The priority was that we stayed up - and I think, ultimately, that's where everyone's priorities lie. Nobody wants to go out of the competition, but the priorty has to be the Premier League. Portsmouth got into it last year and have now found themselves in a relegation battle. It can cause huge problems.

It's a little bit different for Martin at Villa because he wants to get them into the Champions League. But it is not as easy as it looks, just playing another game, especially if you are doing well in the cup competitions as well.

I don't know exactly but I know you don't make a lot of money from the UEFA Cup. The glamour and prestige of being in Europe is terrific but, financially, if you finish one place higher in the Premier League than you may have done, you earn more money than you would getting to the final of the UEFA Cup.

To compete sucessfully, you near enough need two squads. You need to be big enough to make sure you can rest players yet still not have a shortfall in performance. Most clubs can't do that.

Even having said all that, it's fantastic for your football club, it's fantastic for your supporters. The people that followed Bolton last year went to Atletico Madrid, Bayern Munich, Sporting Lisbon and over to Serbia. We had some great times and some great results."

Wise words. Wise words indeed.

This, taken from a footy website I won't name here, suggests that our Johan has confirmed what everyone in the ground thought last Saturday:

Bolton Wanderers' record signing Johan Elmander is hopeful of avoiding further injury woes in the final few months of his first season in England.

The 27-year-old Sweden international has scored five goals in 19 appearances for the Trotters, having suffered with hamstring trouble on a couple of occasions.

Elmander's latest comeback came in the 2-1 win at home to West Ham, with the striker telling the Manchester Evening News: "I am desperate to get going again.

"It's not fun to be injured at any time, but now I need to stay fit for the rest of the season.

"The more games you play in a row, the better and hopefully the goals will come.

"I felt a little bit tired after 65 minutes, so I still need to get 100 per cent fit.

"We started really well and played a good game, scoring two beautiful goals. In the end we were fighting for the whole game and deserved to win."

This is a very worthy cause this year. Ali Al-Habsi has spent sod all time on the pitch and, as a result of this, has used up his stash of crayons far sooner than he expected. As Ali is on a 'pay-as-you-play' deal, he hasn't got a pot to piss in at the moment and can't afford a chicken & mushroom Pot Noodle, never mind a new set of Crayolas. Can you help?

Basically, we'd like you to send in your old crayons. Any colour will do but we can only accept those that are no less than 50% of their original length. Anything less is about as reliable as Louis Saha. Please send them in an A4 padded envelope to the following address:

Ali's Crayons Appeal

PO Box 69

London Television Centre

Shepherds Bush

Bolton

Cheers,

Val Singleton, Jon Noakes & Konnie Huq

Woo-hoo! The excellent incentive of free away travel returns for the fixture at West Brom. Given the success we’ve had on the pitch when this has happened before ( link ), surely 3 points are in the bag…???

Good on the club for doing this again. Long may it continue.

Rumours abound that Frank from JLS has had to drop out of the current X-Factor live tour due to having a broken flask. And the poptastic vocal-harmony warblers have only gone and approached J Lloyd Samuel to replace him!

Well they can piss off - there's important games coming up. They can operate as a 3-piece anyway - Take That, The Spice Girls and Tight Fit all coped with the loss of a member (as did John Wayne Bobbit), so JL-bloody-S can too.

Don't do it J-Lloyd - when the super-whites shine, they shine together!

Hmmmm – just under a year ago, Gary Megson was routinely condemned (mostly by his own fans but also by sections of the media) when fielding a weakened team in the last 16 UEFA Cup tie at Sporting Lisbon, which we lost 1-0 (2-1 on aggregate). In hindsight, this would be just one entry into a large number of verbal beatings which Megson would endure as BWFC manager but, even though it has now come to be expected (which is just plain wrong), the level of vitriol aimed at him was excessive and wrong. As things panned out, it would appear Megson got his priorities right and secured Premiership status for us. But hey – why reappraise things now and admit he was right when we can just crucify the guy at the drop of a hat for all his perceived mistakes???

Fast forward 11 months and wadda-ya-know? Martin O’Neill (who is having a phenomenally successful season with Aston Villa) and Harry Redknapp field weakened teams during the latter stages of the competition and are knocked out! O’Neill’s takes stick from his fans, even though he is attempting to secure Champions League football next season. Redknapp clearly has his eye on Sunday’s Carling Cup Final and, to a lesser extent, Premiership survival (which is surely a given now). People will criticise (though not to the extent that they did with Megson last season) though they should now realise that the UEFA Cup is not a priority for anyone (despite what Mark Hughes said last night) and that, given the state of the modern game, there are far greater prizes to strive for.

Megson the trailblazer? Damned right. The guy is ahead of his time…

And this is genuine. A lass I used to work with sells programmes at the ground, close to the main entrance. Megson's first game in charge of the club - he approached the players entrance and was confronted by half a dozen or so not-very-intelligent teenagers, shouting such insightful comments as 'F&ck off Megson - we don't want you here' and 'Why don't you piss off?' The security staff rushed to the scene but, rather than hide behind them, Megson ushered them away and approached the group of lads. He went on to say something very near to the following:

'Look lads. You might not want me here and that's your choice, but do you honestly think I'm going to come here and intentionally do a bad job? I'll do the best I can for this club and aim to take them forward.'

And wadda ya know - the joyous teenage rebels immediately changed their tune and had their photos taken with their new hero.

Doesn't say an awful lot about Bolton's young following but says a hell of a lot about the measure of Gary Megson. Not a lot of people know that...

The more I see (and hear) of Megson, the more I like him. Today it's his refusal to get drawn into a polemic regarding the Owen Coyle rumours. When pressed on the issue during the press conference for Sunday's game, he kept his dignity perfectly, simply stating he doesn't read the newspapers and dismissing the rumour with a disinterested shrug. Whatever he's feeling inside, this was the perfect response. The number of times the guy has been provoked is unreal and I'm surprised he's held things together as long as he has. That is surely to his credit. Well done Gary.

...coffee still tastes better than instant.

Well, so Steve Wrigley says. And if Stevie says so, it's fine by me. Way to go Stevie!

Ali Al-Habsi wants to be careful. He's picked up 4 minor scaldings making Pot Noodles since Christmas. 1 more and he could miss the pre-season friendlies next season.

Be careful Ali!

An apt time to appraise one of the Premier League's classiest acts - Shola Ameobi. The lad is pure gold. Class in a glass. The dog's doo-dahs. Here's hoping he's either injured on Sunday or, failing that, that Juventus sign him tomorrow.

Here's the man at his very best:

I'll be sorry to see him go but he'll do well in the Championship and Sheffield seems a good place to be plying your trade these days.

Abdoulate Meite:

Appears to be forming a really formidable defensive partnership with Leon Barnett at West Brom…

Kevin Nolan:

Not the greatest of starts to his NUFC career. Here’s hoping you hit the ground running on your return from suspension Kev – fingers crossed fella.

El Hadji Diouf:

It appears Ricky Sbragia didn’t really fancy him, going as far (you can infer) that, along with Pascal Chimbonda, a couple of the bad eggs have been shipped out of Sunderland? Strange, given that Sbragia worked with Dioufy at Bolton but, in fairness, it was Roy Keane who took Dioufy up to the Stadium of Shite in the first place. Will be interesting to see how he fares over at Ewood Park now he’s back with his friend and mentor…

It appears Karen Brady’s little updates on the Danny Shittu situation (‘He has been offered to us on loan until the end of the season’, ‘we could sign him on a permanent deal at the end of the season’…) are a little wide of the mark. Megson has apparently stated that updates on the future of players will emanate from BWFC only – not other clubs (way to go, ginger Mourinho!) and that Shittu will be moving nowhere. I’m fairly happy about this – whilst it would appear that Cahill and Puygrenier will be the first choice centre-back pairing between now and the end of the season, with Andy O’Brien as back-up, I still think Shittu has a part to play. That pecking order appears to be spot-on to me, though 4 half-decent centre-halves are vital and Shittu is always an option to throw up front if we’re chasing a game during the last 15 minutes. He is built like an ox and has a decent scoring record too. Good news indeed – balls to Birmingham. What is it with them and our defenders anyway (Jaidi, N’Gotty & Hunt have gone there during recent seasons)?

Such a shame that Kevin Nolan won’t be involved in Sunday’s match, following his sending off against Everton. Given the sudden nature of his departure, this would have been an ideal opportunity for the BWFC faithful to show their gratitude to him. Whilst he’ll no doubt be at the game, it won’t quite be the same as seeing him out there on the pitch once again. If you’re reading this Kev (and surely all the BWFC players do???), all the best and you were really valued down here.

Captain fantastic has set some targets for the end of his first season as club skipper. Currently lying 12th in the league, seven points off the bottom 3 and 11 from sixth place, Davo believes the next season's UEFA Cup is a possibility. A more realistic aim is to finish in the top 10, giving the club something to build upon next season. Given his current form, I'm willing to go with anything King Kev says at the moment.

Interesting - here's the relegation odds (best available and seem to have been updated following tonight's result) for the bottom half of the table teams, plus their remaining fixtures. Who is your money on???

20: West Brom (22 points): 1/4

Everton (A), Arsenal (H), West Ham (A), Bolton (H), Stoke (H), Portsmouth (A), Man City (A), Sunderland (H), Spurs (A), Wigan (H), Liverpool (H), Blackburn (A)

19: Middlesbrough (23 points): 5/4

Liverpool (H), Spurs (A), Portsmouth (H), Stoke (A), Bolton (A), Hull (H), Fulham (H), Arsenal (A), Man United (H), Newcastle (A), Aston Villa (H), West Ham (A)

18. Blackburn (23 points): 4/1

Hull (A), Everton (H), Fulham (A), Arsenal (A), West Ham (H), Spurs (H), Liverpool (A), Stoke (A), Wigan (H), Man City (A), Portsmouth (H), Chelsea (A), West Brom (H)

17. Stoke (25 points): 8/13

Aston Villa (A), Bolton (H), Everton (A), Middlesbrough (H), West Brom (A), Newcastle (H), Blackburn (H), Fulham (A), West Ham (H), Hull (A), Wigan (H), Arsenal (A),

16. Portsmouth (28 points): 7/2

Chelsea (H), Middlesbrough (A), Everton (H), Hull (A), West Brom (H), Bolton (H), Man United (A), Newcastle (A), Arsenal (H), Blackburn (A), Sunderland (H), Wigan (A)

15. Newcastle (28 points): 7/2

Bolton (A), Man United (H), Hull (A), Arsenal (H), Chelsea (H), Stoke (A), Spurs (A), Portsmouth (H), Liverpool (A), Middlesbrough (H), Fulham (H), Aston Villa (A)

14. Spurs (28 points): 16/1

Middlesbrough (H), Sunderland (A), Aston Villa (A), Chelsea (H), Blackburn (A), West Ham (H), Newcastle (H), Man United (A), West Brom (H), Everton (A), Man City (H), Liverpool (A)

13. Hull (29 points): 3/1

Blackburn (H), Fulham (A), Newcastle (H), Wigan (A), Portsmouth (H), Middlesbrough (A), Sunderland (A), Liverpool (H), Aston Villa (A), Stoke (H), Bolton (A), Man United (H)

12. Bolton (30 points): 9/1

Newcastle (H), Stoke (A), Fulham (H), West Brom (A), Middlesbrough (H), Chelsea (A), Portsmouth (A), Aston Villa (H), Wigan (A), Sunderland (H), Hull (H), Man City (A)

11. Sunderland (31 points): 10/1

Liverpool (A), Spurs (H), Wigan (H), Man City (A), West Ham (A), Man United (H), Hull (H), West Brom (A), Everton (H), Bolton (A), Portsmouth (A), Chelsea (H)

Hopefully just nonsensical paper talk but, if there is a sliver of truth in this, it’s a disgrace. What illusions of grandeur do people have to think that the club should be harbouring loftier ambitions than simply maintaining our Premiership status? Megson achieved this last season, he looks on course to do it again this year and that, for me, is good enough. I’m not expecting UEFA Cup campaigns anymore (the form and resources of the likes of Villa, Everton, Spurs, Man City etc. have put paid to that) so mid-table finishes, at best, are the height of my ambitions for the club.

And what exactly has Megson done wrong? He’s kept us up, he’s made some excellent signings during his time here, he’s trimmed a reported £5 million per year off the wage bill? Not bad going, some might say. No – it appears his only crime is to be disliked by a fair chunk of the fans. Well tough shit – football management isn’t about popularity; it’s about achieving objectives; it’s about preserving top-flight status; it’s about running a tight ship and not plunging a club into chaos. And that’s why Megson should stay.

I don’t have much to say about Owen Coyle. Yes – he’s an ex-Wanderer. Yes – he’s doing a fairly good job with Burnley (though, in a season when the Championship now looks fairly open (Wolves, Birmingham & Reading have all stuttered of late), none of the other clubs have exactly ripped up trees in catching them). Yes – he looks to have some potential. But he shouldn’t replace Megson.

Hewis (or anyone else who sees this) - please leave me a comment explaining if you can see this or not? I've tried a different folder for storing images as I'm buggered if I know what's gone wrong...

Anyway, hopefully you should be able to see our new centre-half (Puygrenier) during his previous job...

Did any other BWFC fans realise this before the BN reported it last Friday? Apparently Kevin Davies and Gary Cahill were in Fabio Capello's 'long squad' of 32 for the friendly against Spain last week, before it was trimmed to the final squad. I didn't even know that happened outside of major tournaments but there you go. Perhaps not the biggest football news of the week but still reassuring to see our 2 most consistent players this season are at least in the thoughts of the England manager. Keep up the good work fellas and who knows what might happen...

Ok - I'm happy to admit I was wrong and that I'm now happy we didn't sign Mr James Bulllard. Perhaps Megson knew something we don't, perhaps it's just luck. But, whilst not wishing any ill-will to Bullard or anyone connected with Hull City (a club who I have a fondness for), £5 million and wages of around £50k per week (?) is a hell of a lot of money for someone with a knee that's dodgier than a nine-pound note.

And a quick message for Phil Brown - keep your hands off Mark Davies. He's our midfield-superstar-in-waiting...

So Don McClean would have sang, had he been a Bolton fan today. Apparently, Gavin McCann and Johan Elmander are due to return to first team action. In McCann's case, this bolsters the strength of the squad further and adds some experience to the mix. In Elmander's case, it should see the return of a quality frontman who was finding his feet prior to picking up this injury. Plus it should see the completely misfiring and massively unfit Alfie Makukula shift down to the bench. It remains to be seen whether either will figure against West Ham on Saturday but, hopefully, they could be ready for the Newcastle game a week on Sunday. Fingers crossed...

I’ve given the regular contributors to this blog the weekend off (even though none of them contribute of a weekend anyway) due to the lack of FA Cup activity. I know a number of the players will be having a read though, so here’s some ideas for you all, should you be pondering how to fill in your time whilst other, more accomplished players, attempt to make their fans proud and get hold of some silver wear this season:

* Have a day out at the Chill Factor winter sports centre next to the Trafford Centre. Bags of fun and the ice-cold climate should get you ready for the inevitable frosty reception you’ll get from the fans at the Reebok next Saturday…

* Take in a lower league game (perhaps local under-achievers Bury’s match at Grimsby), just to remind you how lucky you actually are to be plying your trade at such a lofty level.

* Scour the rest of the wonderful Catflap website, taking in the other blogs and the content of the main site itself. There’s some fine content on there which will certainly get you chuckling, though I cannot condone the shameless violation of the beautiful young WAGs featured in the main body of the site…

* Make a pie. I’d suggest mince and onion. Very nice.

* Take up a new pursuit – you’re going to have a few Saturdays free between now and the end of the season. I’d suggest self-flagellation, to prepare you for Meggo’s post-match ‘talk’ should you again perform as badly as you did at Goodison last Saturday.

* Watch ‘The Da Vinci Code’ on DVD. It’s absolute shite but it will teach you how to self-flagellate.

* Lie on the couch and have a marathon ‘Chuckle Brothers’ session. Then repeat their catchphrase on the training ground next week, in a bid to actually string 2 passes together against West Ham next Saturday (‘to me, to you, to me, to you…’).

* It’s Friday 13^th. Watch a scary movie. Might I suggest the marvelous ‘From Dusk Till Dawn’…

Having, some time ago now, vowed to shorten my posts a little, I’ve recently noticed that I haven’t managed to do this. So I’m revisiting this vow in a desperate bid to make the content concise (fat chance), classy (even fatter chance), high-brow (Russell Grant-esque fatter chance) and punchy (Dawn French, Johnny Vegas & Andy Fordham sat on your chest-esque fatter chance). So the revolution starts now. The post below sets the scene by being my shortest yet.

Not an exhaustive update this time round, but notes on a few selected ex-Wanderers:

Kevin Nolan

More to come soon in a separate 'legends' post but best wishes to a true Bolton legend of recent times. The move came out of the blue (to players as well as fans, including Nolan himself) but I (and hopefully the vast majority of BWFC followers) wish Kev the very best of luck in the rest of his career. That he moved to relegation rivals this season is bizarre, as is the fact that he moved at all. He was Bolton through-and-through and, apparently, had no desire to leave the club. I doubt the truth will ever come out on this one but, regardless of all the conspiracy theories, best wishes to a very loyal servant (and captain) during the past decade.

Stelios

Another firm-fans-favourite of recent years has left Hull City to return to his native Greece, signing an 18-month deal with Larissa. The 34 year old was a real cult hero at the Reebok, scoring 28 goals in 177 appearances during what can now be considered the team's 'golden period'. Again, Stelios will carry all our best wishes with him as he ends his career in the sun.

Andranik Teymourian

Seemingly not fitting in at Fulham, Andranik has joined Barnsley on loan for the rest of the season. Purely a matter of opinion but I think he'll be an excellent acquisition for them. Skillfull, energetic and committed, he should stand out at Championship level and add a touch of class to a struggling Barnsley side.

Dioufy

Could be a masterstroke by Allardyce, who certainly seems to know how to get the best out of the mad-as-a-box-of-badgers livewire. Despite being public-enemy number one with 99% of British football fans, I'm glad that Dioufy is still involved in the Premier League and, despite popular misconception, he always had time to talk to his fans and get involved behind the scenes during his time with us. I just hope he doesn't threaten 'to do' any of his Blackburn team-mates...

It's now official - Gary Megson is not interested in strengthening the team this month. He's more interested in forming his own team of solicitors - Davies, Davies and Davis! With senior partner Kevin (the established member of the team) being joined this week by upcoming young buck Mark Davies, rumour is now strong that experienced legal-eagle Sean Davis will head up north from Portsmouth tomorrow. What a canny move from Ginger Mourinho - he's adding a bit more steel and backbone to his operation; a move that should reap dividends in the long run.

And it isn't Colleen. Jesus - this one is straight out of the blue. Reports tonight suggest that Newcastle have agreed a fee of £4.5 million pound for Kevin Nolan and that the deal will be concluded tomorrow. No rumours, no gossip - this one is straight out of nowhere. It seems a strange move for Nobby - although he hasn't had a great season, he is still considered a fairly pivotal player for us. It can only be assumed that Megson has a replacement lined-up and ready to come in - will the fee go toward the signing of Veloso? Wishful thinking but Man City's apparent interest is a major concern for us. Time will tell but one thing is certain - if Nolan does go, given the threadbare nature of our squad at the moment, a replacement of sufficient quality to go straight into the starting XI must be brought in immediately.

Yet again, Megson took a ridiculous amount of flak at the end of last nights game. But this time, his patience has finally snapped. From tonights Bolton News:

"I've had to cope with it for a long time and I don't like it - it's pathetic. The reaction to myself is absolutely astounding. The players are having to cope with that and it makes it difficult. When they are slaughtering me it makes the players angry. The intelligence of these people has to be heard to be believed. I think it is having an adverse effect on the team's performance. I'll never be able to win over the fans. I've taken this club as far as it's ever been in Europe and this after it had 5 points after 10 games last season. I took the wage bill down and I haven't spent a great deal of money. If your face doesn't fit you have to accept that. The players and the staff are as one. If people think that is helpful, then that is up to them. There are clubs down there in the same position as us and I don't hear the negative reaction. It's not a case of them being fickle, I've had it from day one - most managers get a honeymoon period at least. Their feelings towards me are apparent but my feelings towards them must stay private. But we've got to, as a football club, try and keep that negativity away.'

Now I, admittedly, haven't always been Megson's number one fan on here this season. But such a level of abuse is a disgrace. Just one question for the boo-boys - what the hell is this achieving? Absolutely nothing. Megson is spot on when he says it is affecting the team (surely it will...?) and there is a need to keep the negativity at bay. At the end of the day, we all need to stick together and get out of this situation. We have come out of a hideous run of fixtures and now have a real opportunity to get some more points on the board - let's all stick together and ensure that's the case.

Russell T - the gay Dr Who scribe? No.

Sharron - celebrity MILF swimmer and presenter with legs right up to her arse? Unfortunately, no.

Ray - absolute legend and frontman of one of the finest bands of all time? No.

No. Today we have signed 'highy rated' 20-year-old midfielder Mark Davies from Wolves for the now obligatory undisclosed fee. I'm sure Chris Evans (one of our coaching staff who was at Wolves not so long back - not the ginger haired muppet DJ) had a hand in this as he worked with Davies at the Wolves academy. The cynic in me wonders why he has been on loan at Leicester this season (though he did miss all of last season due to a knee injury, which may be a factor). However, his time with Leicester has coincided with a good run of form for the club and, whilst no Jimmy Bullard (in terms of recognition at least), this could be a promising one-to-watch. Megson, however, needs to make more signings this week to appease the fans, with a recognised attacking midfielder a must. Heres some high definition footage of the lad scoring a phenomenal header for the Foxes. Here's hoping Megson gives him a chance at some point, rather than letting him rot on the bench...

I really, really am trying my damndest to keep a positive attitude at the moment. However, today's transfer news has really pissed me off. Bullard to Hull for £5 million? Let's just examine a very important recent news snippet from the Bolton News here:

Bolton fail in £5 million bid for Bullard

Ok, the actual headline might not have been worded exactly as above (it will piss me off if I search it to confirm), but it certainly intimated that we'd bid that amount and been turned down. And now Hull sign Bullard for exactly that fee. Which leads me to believe that one of 2 things happened:

   1) We did bid £5 million but the personal details brought things to a premature end.

or

   2) The information eminating from BWFC was a lie.

Hopefully it's the former, even though that would be far from ideal. However, I am leaning toward the second scenario. In these troubled times, if we wanted Bullard and he was available at that price, why the f*%k is he not now, as we 'speak', having publicity shots taken wearing a Bolton shirt? I feel this was another piss-poor attempt at appeasing the fans with a rumour which the powers-that-be knew would never happen? Good luck to Hull (and Bolton old-boy Phil Brown) - with Bullard and Geovanni providing the flair, in conjunction with Boateng and Marney/Ashbee covering the back four, they have a midfield which any team outside the top 5 would covert. But this leaves a very sour taste in the mouths of all Bolton fans today...

News through today that Bolton have targeted Russian striker Pavel Pogrebnyak as the answer to their current goal drought. The highly rated (?) Zenit St Petersburg forward had been linked with a loan move to the Reebok, due to his £6 million valuation being out of our reach. This is an interesting one - here's some footage of him netting against Man United (how we could have done with him last Saturday...) with some additional footage of how Megson's half-time team talks will look if he keeps up at this rate...

Dear Bolton fans,

Having not had the opportunity whilst in the wonderful Reebok Stadium, I thought I'd take this opportunity to wish you all a fond farewell. Now I know I wasn't the most popular player over recent seasons and that you didn't take me to your hearts to the same extent of the likes of Fernando Hierro, Youri Djorkaeff and John O'Kane, but I still feel there was something of a bond between us all. Your friendly forum posts (being compared to Bambi on ice was a great honour - that is one of my all-time favourite movies...) cheered me up no end and your humourous banter at the ground (I have never experienced such emotive communication as the day I was called 'a snivelling Swedish cock-muncher'...) really made me chuckle. However, all good things must come to an end and I will not see your likes ever again. I have, as one delightful fan once snarled into my face, 'f*cked off back to my homeland', and it was that comment which prompted this message. You see - things are oh so different over here, as I hope to prove within the attached presentation. I hope you like it. Take care and be careful to get all those tattoos spelt correctly when you have them done (that message is just for the ladies....). Love Christian.

Balls to Kaka. Nuts to Defoe. Arseholes to Arshavin. The biggest deal of the month has taken place today - Portugal international Ariza Makukula has signed for BWFC on a loan deal until the end of the season. Having told Tony Mowbray to piss right off a few days ago, Maku (as he will now be known) accepted Ginger Mourinho's better terms and the Portugese international signed on the dotted line. The winner of a monumental 4 caps for Spain's poorer neighbours, Maku was actually born in the Congo. Despite being employed as a clothes-line for all of his teens, the 8'9" striker was a regular goalscorer in Spain for Salamanca, Valladolid, Gimnastic and Sevilla before making a big money move to Benfica a year ago. Having fallen out of favour there, he's now chancing his arm at The Reebok. God knows what he's like, but here's some less than inspiring footage of the brick shithouse falling over against Real Madrid...

Oh, this is just fooking grand. 2 sterling pieces of BWFC news today:

1) The Bullard deal is dead in the water - apparently our £5 million offer is below Fulham's asking price so that's the end of that one.

WHAT? Is that not simply an opening gambit? Do we not go in with an improved bid in an effort to get one of the Premiership's most exciting English midfielders? Surely the answer should be yes??? For any other club, perhaps. For BWFC, no.

2) Denilson won't be offered a deal. Megson was waxing lyrical about the bloke on Sky Sports News earlier but, apparently, Bolton play football a certain way and, given the position we're in, Denilson isn't what we're after. Fooking marvellous - can we now assume that creative, attack-minded midfielders are strictly off-limits this month? They are? Tremendous. Probably as we are overrun with them at the moment, in the form of Muamba, McCann, Gardner and Nolan. Matty Tayor is the only player I would put into the attacking midfielder category at the moment but he can't hold that responsibility all on his own - we are crying out for a goal-scoring flair midfielder, preferably with a bit of pace. As it is, we can probably look forward to signing the likes of Nicky Butt or Papa Bouba Diop. What a joke.

I don't know. 2 equally miffed Catflap bloggers at complete opposites of the scale. Baz is bemoaning the fact his beloved Man City are willing to spend £100 milllion on a player whose name resembles a slangword for a pile of shit. I'm bemoaning the fact that BWFC will probably spend 100 million peanut M&M's on an Andorran  'attacking midfielder' who, quite literally, will be a pile of shit. Ho-fooking-hum...

As predictable as the great British weather, Victoria Beckham shamelessly seeking a photo opportunity and Paul Merson providing a weekly master class in talking incoherent bullshit on Soccer Saturday, another war of words has erupted between BWFC and Arsenal. It started with Davo (quite rightly) accusing Arsenal players of cheating:

‘Clichy made a meal of one (challenge). He made not attempt to play the ball, I didn’t make any contact with him and then he was on top of the referee trying to get me booked. He could have booked me easily with the screams they were making. It was like I was trying to kill someone. I’ve been accused of cheating by them in the past and yet when you catch one of them, they scream to try and earn you a booking.

In some of the challenges, I felt that I won the ball. A few of them let out a big scream, which is a bit embarrassing really because it is a man’s game. Toure did one, and he is a big, strong, man. He was screaming ‘my leg’ which is a bit unnecessary but they get the free-kicks out of it and are good at doing that. In my eyes that is cheating the referee, they have conned him, but they are good at that and you just have to get on with the game.’

That paragon of virtue Robin Van Persie followed up with:

‘I wasn’t surprised how Bolton played because I’m used to them for the past couple of years. It’s not really football. They stayed behind the ball with 10 men. This is what we knew would happen and the only way to break them is to score.’

So there you have it. It certainly wasn’t pretty football, but all teams must go to the Emirates attempting to play free-flowing football and ending up getting mullered by one of the best footballing teams in the land. All whilst not putting in a decent tackle for fear of acting performances that would do Al Pacino proud. Absolute codswallop. This one could run and run and run…

Time to pay tribute to former Bolton manager Ian Greaves, who sadly passed away at his Bolton home 10 days ago. Having enjoyed a spell with Man United as a player (as well as Oldham and Lincoln) and Huddersfield as a manager, Ian became Bolton boss in 1974, replacing Jimmy Armfield.  He enjoyed a successful 6 year spell with the club, reaching the League Cup semi-final in 1977, gaining promotion to the top flight a year later and overseeing such talent as Peter Reid, Neil Whatmore, Sam Allardyce and Frank Worthington during his time in charge. He later went on to manage Oxford, Wolves and Mansfield before settling in Bolton during the latter stages of his life. Well respected by his player from that period and fans alike, Ian’s time with the club evokes fond memories for many fans of a certain age.    

In a word, NO. If we sign that vile thug we might as well go the whole hog and hand contracts out to Peter Sutcliffe, Paul Burrell and Osama Bin Laden. I wouldn't take him if Newcastle paid us to have him and, from the reaction in the local press and on numerous forums, it would appear the vast majority of Bolton fans are with me on this. We do need to improve, there is no doubt about that, but not to an extent where we sign players like Barton. I find it hard to believe that Megson cannot comprehend the level of revulsion it will cause (amongst our very own fans) if Barton turns out in a Bolton shirt...

An interesting poll on the Independent's website today. Wouldn't mind seeing one or two of these sign on the dotted line this month though we're more likely to be attracting the entrants on the '20 best semi-professional players outside the Football League' list...

The_List

Soon to be followed by Bleu des Causses, Emmental de Savoie, Brie de Meaux and a whole host of other delectable cheeses from across the channel...

Signing on a six-month loan deal, the capture of French centre-half Sebastien Puygrenier looks set to signal the end of our interest in West Ham's Calum Davenport, who was rumoured to be joining in a £3 million deal. The 6' 4" Duncan Goodhew look-a-like has joined from Zenit St Petersburg following spells in his homeland with Stade Rennais and Nancy. His record up-to-press is hardly earth-shattering though it would be an injustice to judge him before actually seeing him play. His height could certainly be an advantage - hopefully he will possess a bit of pace too. Will Megson look to start him or keep him on the bench though; that is the question?

Fantastic stuff in the latest edition ( issue67 ) of Catflap. What surprises do we find in the midst of an excellent John Terry interview? Only the big man confessing his undying love for our very own Kevin Davies. Ok - so perhaps he doesn't go into quite such surreal territory, but it's good to see JT quoting Kevin Davies as one of his toughest opponents:

I really have some good battles with Emile Heskey. I think the toughest overall would be Thierry Henry that I've faced. But physical battles there's Emile Heskey and Kevin Davies of Bolton, he always elbows me or breaks my nose! But it's all in good banter between us and it's part and parcel of the game. I know he's trying his best and I do the same as well. I give as good as I get so I can't complain really!

Take in the rest of the article - it is worth a read. And go on big Kev - keep socking it to the big boys!

Surely this is a cruel joke played by the most sinister of pranksters? Brazilian magician Denilson is, apparently, having a trial at the Reebok? OK, he may have been off the radar for a little while whilst plying his trade in his home country but he’s still only 31 and, if this is true, Megson’s judgement is to be trusted and let’s just hope it comes off. It may well represent a gamble (would he be another Mario Jardel (God forbid…) or another Fernando Hierro (yes please…)?) but, after recently bemoaning a lack of real quality, skill and invention in our midfield, this would be a very welcome gamble. Come on Megson – thousands of BWFC fans wait with baited breath. Please let this one materialise. Here’s some footage of the man himself from his time with Real Betis when, let us not forget, he was the most expensive player in world football, having moved in 1998 from Sao Paulo for a whopping £21.5 million:

It's good to see Megson aiming to be active in the transfer market early on in the month. Already had a £3 million bid for James Morrison rejected by West Brom (seems a decent player but I don't know a great deal about him, having not paid much attention to West Brom's plight this season - perhaps Youngy can elaborate further on the lad) plus a rumoured £1.5 million bid for West Ham's Calum Davenport is in the offing. Now these have probably been lost amongst the pages and pages of rumours about whom Man City will be after (anyone from Wayne Bridge to Adriano to Bruce Forsyth apparently) and, whilst not big name players, I'm going to reserve judgement for now. After all, the signings Megson has made to date (i.e. this time last year - Matt Taylor, Gretar Steinsson and Gary Cahill) have been excellent. He's hoping he can repeat such form and strengthen the squad over the next 30 days - God knows it's needed. Promises to be an interesting month for us non-interesting clubs, as well as the big boys...

Now this really did make me laugh today! As much as I love the bloke, does any rumour-monger seriously believe Chelsea would be in for Kevin Davies? He is excellent at what he does and is an integral player but seriously - Chelsea are looking to sign world class players for phenomenal fees. As much as it pains me to say it, Davo doesn't fall into that category. The one true world class player we've had over the past couple of years is, funnily enough, currently plying his trade in a Chelsea shirt. Look to the continent for the glamour players Mr Scolari and leave Davo doing what he undoubtedly does best at a place where he is best suited doing just that.

As if we didn't need any convincing, the recall of Nicky Hunt from Birmingham perfectly illustrates how threadbare the current first team squad is. He may figure in the FA Cup game at Sunderland on Saturday but this leads me to believe that Megson obviously isn't expecting to sign anyone of note between now and the next league game at Arsenal on 10th Jan. The current problems stem from the suspensions of Gavin McCann and Gretar Steinsson so, whilst it's no surprise that Hunt is back with us, it's a concern that we are in such dire straits as to have to do this. Come on Eddie Davies - get your hand in your pocket and let Megson splash the cash this Jan...

Some welcome (and very surprising) good news coming through today in the form of Ali Al-Habsi signing a four year extension to his current contract. Originally due to expire in the summer, it was widely expected that Ali would move elsewhere in search of first team football (he is surely too good to be playing second fiddle to anyone), with Tottenham strongly linked. However, this extension will see him remain at the Reebok until 2013. I can only assume that he has received reassurances that he will be the club's No.1 once Jussi has retired but, regardless of the reasons, this is very positive news indeed.

Hello! A festive festooned Ali here, with my latest musings. Enjoy, have a wonderful New Year and see you in 2009! Your old chum, Ali. x

- Happy New Year!

- I'm glad I was busy crayoning yesterday, rather than taking part in such a turgid game. What a bumper pile of arse biscuits!

- It's my birthday tomorrow! 27 years young. Here's hoping Mrs Al-Habsi gets me Eva Mendes, like I've asked her too.

- To celebrate, I've signed a new contract with the whites. It had to be done really - why would I want to go to Spurs and act as No.2 to Coco the clown?

- You're too full? But it's Christmas so what the hell? That's no excuse Greeny, you fat shit. Just eat a bit less and you won't sit there like Mr Creosote, you heaving great porker. Get on a diet in the New Year too, before you go the same way as John Candy.

- RIP Eartha Kitt. However, though it may no longer be too respectable to do so, I'm going to continue using your name as rhyming slang for a bloody good dump. I'm sure you'd appreciate the sentiment.

- Lloyd and Liz getting it on in Coronation Street? That really will put Mrs Al-Habsi off her mid-evening sausage roll. Urggghhhhh.

- The Gavin & Stacey Christmas Special was an over-rated pile of tosh. Very disappoining indeed.

- I'm looking forward to a typical New Years Eve, during which I spend a few hours pouring over the days newspapers and taking in the various reviews of the year. I'll have to see if I can get one of my team-mates to post a BWFC review of the year here? That would be nice...

-

Prompted by Megson's mystifying decision to drop Kevin Davies to the bench for yesterdays game at Anfield, I ask the above question? And I firmly believe that Kevin Davies is undroppable. I don't care that it was a tactical decision. I don't care that it was a fixture we were expected to lose anyway. I don't care that we have 2 games in 3 days. Everybody knows Davies is a full-blooded, fully committed player who will give his all in every fixture. He causes problems in every game he plays and will never let you down. Plus, on top of that, he is a bloody good (and severely underated) player. That is why he has to figure in each and every game (barring injury and suspension, of course). Hopefully Megson will have learned enough from this particular mistake (and he admitted as much pretty quickly) not to make it again.

Which prompts the question - who are the 'undroppable' players in this league? The big names should certainly figure (i.e. Ronaldo, Rooney, Vidid, Ferdinand (R), Torres, Gerrard, Carragher, Fabregas, Adebayor, Lampard, Terry, Cech) but they all play for the big 4, so where does the debate over squad rotation (i.e. prior to Champions League games) begin and end? And what about the top performers at the other clubs (i.e. Barry, Ashley Young. Laursen, Tim Cahill, Yakubu, Robinho, Ireland, Zaki, Owen, Given, Downing, Defoe, Crouch, James, Bellamy, Bullard etc. etc.)? Can any player truly be deemed undroppable? I believe so but I'm sure others will disagree...???

I'd just like to take this opportunity to wish the Catflap community (bloggers and marvellous people beind this wonderful site) a very merry Christmas and a belting (and piss-taking) 2009. Contributing to this for the past 5 months has been great fun and will hopefully continue to be so for the rest of the season and beyond. It's been a pleasure reading some of the top-notch posts on here and hopefully we'll get all the clubs filled at some point soon. All the best fellas.

Greeny.

It rankles a little that Big Sam has joined our closest rivals (in geographical terms at least) but I'd just like to wish him well. Unlike some simpletons round here who used to idolise the guy but now jeer him,  I still hold the guy in high esteem, due in no small part to the unprecedented success he brought to the club. He deserves to be back in top flight management (Mike Ashley proved what a prize prick he is by getting shut of Sam prematurely in January) and, with the squad he's inherited at Ewood Park, I'm sure he'll maintain their Premier league status this season and move onward and upward from there. Upon getting the Newcastle job he stated he'd need 2 years to get things back on track - I hope he's given a fair crack of the whip in this post. Good luck Sam - I'm sure the majority of Bolton fans still appreciate what you did here and wish you well.

News that I've just gotten wind of that I can't quite believe. Apparently we've been paid £143,678 by UEFA for releasing players for the Euro 2008 finals. That figure also takes the qualifying games into account but, even so, this seems a bizarre move? It must be widespread though, as this figure was the ninth-highest paid to any Premier Club. I really didn't know this happened. It's not a king's ransom but £143,678 will keep Danny Shittu's 9000 calorie a day diet on the go for a couple of months at least...

It's testament to Ginger Mourinho that he landed the above award. That it recognises the change of fortune last month is a relief to all fans. That it hopefully lands Megson a bit of breathing space can only benefit the team. We're not out of the woods yet, not by any stretch of the imagination, but the 12 points picked up last month were much needed. The loss to Liverpool aside, the 4 wins (3 of them away from home) against Man City, Hull, Sunderland and Middlesbrough were a hell of an achievement. Here's hoping the momentum can be maintained over the coming months but, in the meantime, congratulations to Gary Megson. This was well deserved.

Hey. Ricky Sbragia here. Now managing Sunderland on a temporary basis (what the hell did I do to deserve this?), my most fertile time in football came during my time at The Reebok Stadium, when I was a media darling. You may, in fact, remember me from such ground-breaking TV productions as ‘Yes Sam, I’ll Do All The BBC Interviews Due To You Spitting Your Dummy Out Big Time’, ‘Ricky Sbragia’s Kitchen Nightmares’ and ‘Friday Night With Ricky Sbragia’. Despite the unprecedented level of adulation and support for me during that period, it is a little known fact that I am an international games champion; a skill which is especially beneficial during the festive period. I used to while away the hours playing Guess Who with Anthony Barness, Trivial Pusuit with Radhi Jaidi and Connect 4 with Nicky Southall. But my absolute favourite game, and the subject of my first tip or two, is Scrabble. I played everyone at The Reebok at this game during my time there and laced them all. Follow the following tips of mine and you’ll never lose again. Good night, good luck and get a cash game going with Gran, if possible – you’ll fooking fleece her! Best of luck. Ricky.

- Contrary to popular belief, names are allowed. I’ve won many a game by slipping Dweezil Zappa (or his brother Moon Unit) over a triple word score at the end of a game. My own lauded surname is worth 78 points alone and that’s before you hit any of the special squares.

- Believe it or not, album titles are also allowed. Again, I’ve stolen a march on many an opponent by steaming straight in with ‘Carry On Up The Charts – The Very Best of the Beautiful South’ as an opening salvo. You’ve got them on the rocks from the off then.

- Finally, and this is the master stroke, quzfojk is a genuine word. It is a Scottish delicacy consisting of tripe, trotters, faggots and peas, all boiled in a rabbit’s stomach and delicately infused with a reindeer jus. Suzie Dent told me that when she came to watch the Black Cats last week.

News through yesterday that Ian Walker has left the club, having agreed a deal to cancel his contract. This doesn’t come as much of a surprise, with Ali Al-Habsi now firmly established as Jussi’s back-up (even though I’m expecting him to leave in the summer…) and youngster Adam Bogdan seemingly highly-regarded.

Whilst Walker has never had much of a chance to shine (playing just 8 games since signing in 2005), he has always been a dependable and experienced player to have in the ranks. I doubt if, at the age of 37, he’ll have too many people knocking on his door (though the US Major League has been mooted as a possible destination) but good luck to him in whatever he chooses to do. Just stay away from those lap dancing bars Ian – they’re more trouble than they’re worth fella…

I agreed with Max Branning from Eastenders (a.k.a. Gary Megson) when he expressed some degree of surprise that Gary Cahill hasn’t been considered for the current England squad, especially when the like of Michael Mancienne has been drafted in. Now I’m sure that Mancienne is a quality player (haven’t seen too much of him I’m afraid, so can’t make a judgement for myself at this stage) but Cahill has been top class since joining the Whites. Yes, the team have struggled over that period, but Cahill has probably been the most consistent player during that time. Assured, collected, powerful and a great reader of the game, he looks an astute signing (even at £5 million) and can only improve over time. Still only 22, he is now one of the most important players at the club and it suggests ignorance on Capello’s part for him not to have noticed this and given Cahill a chance, especially given the spate of ‘injuries’ (yeah, right…) and withdrawals which have occurred this week. Only time will tell if Cahill does get the call-up he definitely deserves, though my fear is the longer he misses out, the greater the temptation will be for him to leave for a ‘bigger club’ to realize his international ambitions. So come on Capello – prove that your reputation is warranted and select worthy players from unfashionable clubs, rather than players-with-promise who haven’t even figure at Premiership level.

Thank the Lord for Roy Keane. A few years back I hated the bloke as a player (even though he was admittedly one of the best around) and, with having an affinity to Newcastle United due to my North East roots and having a NUFC mad fatha, I always wanted Alan Shearer to knock his block off when they had one of their many spats. However, I find his typically forthright and direct manner as a manager quite refreshing and it makes a pleasant change to see a manager have a pop at a worthy target rather than start a petty squabble with a fellow boss.

Apparently he’s caused some concern amongst the top-brass up at the Stadium of Shite with his scathing comments last week regarding Sky pundits and commentators. For what it’s worth, I think he’s fairly spot on. Whilst it’s in Sky’s best interests to provide almost blanket coverage of English football and breaking news, some of their so-called ‘experts’ are piss poor.  Namely Andy Gray, who is far too smug and self-aggrandising for his own good, and Paul Merson, who is an illiterate joke and would struggle to convey an accurate and clear report on my 2-year old daughter putting her coat on. In addition, Trevor Francis (do they still use him?) is quite simply an arse, likewise Ruud Gullit.

But, and I must stick up for Sky here, they do have some diamonds in their ranks (and these outnumber the duffers listed above). Jeff Stelling is quite simply a legend. Jamie Redknapp is proving to be a very competent analyst and must be in the frame for taking over from Andy Gray. Chris Kamara is comedy gold and I do like the no-nonsense input from both Alan McAnally and Le Tiss. Christ – I’m even warming to Phil Thompson’s slightly witty style of analysis and I never thought I’d see the day I’d say that…

Good on you Roy for having the balls to speak out. Plus a topic prompted by you provides an ideal opportunity to revisit this gem of a clip.

I know I’ve harped on about this previously but this initiative really does seem to be reaping benefits at the moment. Coincidence or is there something in it? Let’s take a look at the stats and try to decide:

Saturday’s game at Hull was the sixth time over the past year or so that BWFC have provided free coach travel to away games. The fans have been quick on the uptake and the stats so far concerning these games are:

Played: 6

Won: 3

Drawn: 2

Lost: 1

That is an excellent away record for any team in the league. If it’s just coincidence then so be it, though I happen to believe that there’s something more to this and that the extra support in away games is really having a positive effect on the lads out on the pitch. This theory may be blown out of the water by the end of the month as the same scheme is being used for away trips at Boro and Sunderland. These are crucial games and I will stick my neck out and say we will get through them unbeaten. Perhaps I wouldn’t have said that a few weeks ago but I do believe there’s a real feel-good factor surrounding this initiative now and hopefully it will continue. Well done BWFC on what is proving to be a fantastic and beneficial idea.

It came as no surprise to see Nicky Hunt go out on loan a few days ago. He hasn’t figured at all this season and obviously isn’t one of Megson’s preferred players. Joining Birmingham for a month is a good move for him though as he’ll be getting regular football in a competitive and quality-filled league (he went straight into their 1^st team for Monday night’s defeat at home to Coventry). However, the local press are suggesting today that the move could become a permanent one. Gretar Steinsson is now the undoubted first choice in that position though, somewhat bizarrely, Megson has stated that should the Iceman pick up an injury, Joey O’Brien could fill in as well as Andy O’Brien or Jloyd Samuel. The 2 latter names are a concern there as they are not natural right-backs. All I can assume from this is that Megson is attempting to raise some funds / free some wages in order to make purchases in January (hopefully David Villa or Samuel Eto……)? Regardless of what else happens, it does look as if Nicky Hunt’s Bolton career could be coming to an end, which is a shame as he’s the only genuine local lad (born in Westhoughton) anywhere near the first team at the moment.

Good day! Everyone’s favourite Oman international, Ali Al Habsi here. Now I can’t begin to describe how excited I am that Mick Green has approached me to write a column for his CatFlap column. Excited because I’ve taken a cursory glance at his posts so far and, as we say in Oman, it’s piss poor. Therefore it’s my intention to add an air of style, wit and philosophy to his column. Now, as I spend a lot of time warming my arse on the BWFC bench, I have many opportunities to wander off in a dream-like state and contemplate life, the universe and boobies. Mick has recognised this and asked me to contribute my musings every week, following each BWFC match. Let’s face it, it looks like I’ll be spending my time doing this rather than getting action out on the pitch. So, without further ado, here’s my first collection. Enjoy and enter a zen-like state whilst contemplating such mind-blowing themes as:

* How will Ruth fare during Mariah Carey week on the X-Factor?

* Will she adopt the winning equation? i.e. Boobies on show = safe passage through to next week. Covered up = last 2 and a nerve-wracking sing-off.

* Will my script for High School Musical 4: The Kids Go Through Puberty be accepted by my literary agent?

* What am I going to do now the luscious Ola is out of Strictly Come Dancing? All the other female dancers have faces like Ian Marshall.

* You didn’t hear it from me but there’s a sneaky rumour going round the Reebok that Andy O’Brien is in line to become the next Dr Who.

* I hope Santa Claus has got my Christmas list. I posted it 2 weeks ago and simply won’t be able to function if I haven’t got the 2009 Beano & Dandy annuals on      Christmas morning.

* Jussi Jaaskelainen? JJ Okocha? It appears you need to have the initials JJ to get into the first team. Hence I’m changing my name by deed-poll to Jeremiah Jizzlejugs.

There is a growing air of frustration around these parts regarding Megson's general refusal to introduce substitutes until the dying moments of games. Therefore it was with much bemusement that I read his latest quote, defending his decision to stick with the players on the pitch for as long as he did yesterday:

"Not too many of the players wanted to come off and we were doing ok. We were creating opportunities and there was no-one playing particularly badly. We made the changes purely and simply to put some fresh legs on. Everyone has their own opinion when I should have done that but we were causing Spurs some problems even with 10 men."

We were doing ok? We were causing Spurs some problems? We had 3 shots on target to their 10. We were 2-0 down after 75 minutes and, despite having attacking players such as Riga, Smolarek and Helguson on the bench, no substitutions were made until the 85 minute mark. This, to my mind, was Megson's way of throwing the towel in on this game. If that's not true, why the hell didn't he introduce Riga (or Smolarek for that matter) earlier in the game? To win games in this league you actually have to go out and attack teams (something Phil Brown is doing very well up at Hull) - the longer we continue in this vein, the longer we will struggle. I really do have a very bad feeling about this season...

There needs to be an air of positivity here (I can't bring myself to type a match review just yet.....) so I'm trying to big up the Catflap cause. I have a day off tomorrow (i.e. Monday) due to having being on the razz tonight thanks to my lovely wife whisking my lovely daughter half way across Europe for the week and I intend sitting on my fat lazy arse clearing some storage on the Sky+ box and adding some wonderful (?!) posts to good old Catflap.

It's a nice little community building up here. It's a genuine pleasure to get up-to-date with the latest posts from the likes of Yatesy, Tenchy, Pricey, Northy & Teshaey, though it's a little frustrating that there are still some Prem clubs on the look-out for editors. I'm going to use my time off to good effect and search for Catflap openings which may be filled. It might not be big or clever but it's vital to the continued strength of this site.

Viva la Catflap!

So sang cod-Indie boy wannabees EMF in their chart-topping smash 'Unbelievable'. This song must have been written for Megson, given the nugget he's come out with on the back of the local rag today. Words fail me with this one (he is the man who makes the tactical decisions after-all) so have a look and make up your own mind:

Go-slow to help out Elmander

Wanderers must slow down in order for Johan Elmander to rediscover his goal touch.

That is the assessment of Gary Megson, who has watched his club record signing struggle for form since returning from a hamstring injury suffered in the second week of the season.

The Sweden international began his Reebok career with a goal in the opening day victory over Stoke but has failed to hit the target in the three games since his return.

Megson, however, thinks the team must alter their current style of play to help Elmander hit the goal trail again.

"We are not playing enough in the opposition's half - we are a bit rushed or frenetic at times, which is not going to suit centre forwards" Megson summised.

"We have got to settle on the ball a little more. We have to put in that extra pass in the middle of the park, to enable people to get forward and support Johan because we are not doing that at the moment either. He is a little isolated."

I want to warm to Megson, I really do. But he really isn't helping himself when he comes out with stuff like this. Do the talking on the pitch Gary - these are empty words unless you actually change the tactics for real, as opposed to within the pages of a newspaper.

During these times of slight concern with matters on the pitch, and given the people running the club have (rightly so) been an easy target for criticism over the years, it’s time to actually pay some compliments. The free travel to away games which has been such a hit over the past 12 months (see article here) is back on for the Hull game on the 8^th November. It’s good to see that the club have noticed the benefits of having a vociferous support at away games and are continuing with this idea. This should ensure a decent following for what is now looking like a very tricky fixture.

I’m absolutely gutted too as this was the one away game I desperately wanted to attend this season. It’s an easy journey to make, it would be interesting to see the KC Stadium (always seems like a decent atmosphere over there) and, primarily, it would be good to pay Phil Brown some respect on the excellent job he’s doing over there. However, my band (Slipstream, the finest Indie covers band in the NW and now taking 2009 bookings for pubs, clubs, weddings, private functions, bah-mitzvahs and corporate events in Dubai) are gigging that evening, so I can’t make it. But here’s hoping a packed away end can help the boys onto a much needed victory. I feel the need to pay further tribute to Phil Brown but will do that via a separate Legends post – he deserves it.

Reports are emerging today that Ricardo Vaz Te has issued something of an ultimatum to Ginger Mourhino – ‘Play me or let me go’. Seemingly he is only referring to a loan deal here, though I’ll bet with one eye on the future. I personally think Vaz Te’s BWFC days are numbered. Having been with the club some 5-6 years now, Vaz Te has never been more than a bit-part player, despite coming to the club with a reputation as one of Europe’s finest young talents. He didn’t figure prominently under Allardyce, who did actually seem to like the look of him, whilst he’s figured even less under Megson. His chances look even bleaker now with Elmander, Davies, Smolarek, Riga and Helguson ahead of him in the pecking order.

Surely a loan deal to a Championship side is a win-win deal for all parties, with Barnsley and Watford both reportedly interested? Such a deal would give Vaz Te vital match experience, it would give these clubs a striker with potential and Premiership experience and, from Vaz Te’s perspective, a decent run notching up some goals will do no harm to his prospects of getting a move away from The Reebok. He’s 22 now and, at that age, it’s understandable he wants to plays more often. Whilst at times infuriating (he used to have an uncanny knack of falling flat on his arse at inopportune moments, often due to diving, unfortunately…), Vaz Te hasn’t done anything particularly wrong at Bolton; it’s just that his time to shine never really materialised. So here’s hoping he gets the loan move he needs, bangs a few goals in and secures a move to a club where he’ll get regular football.

Now, if only we could palm Helguson off onto some poor, unsuspecting club….

This is what Vaz Te can be capable of...

Comedy gold in the Bolton News today, with Megson claiming that Bolton need to start scoring goals before the free-flowing football will come. This raises a number of issues:

1)     He obviously realises the recent performances have been a bumper bag of bollocks.

2)     He realises both major problems currently affecting the team (i.e. a lack of goals and piss-poor football).

3)     He fails to realise that if he attempts the free-flowing football first (i.e. not sticking Elmander up front on his jack in home games) there will be a greater chance that the goals will follow.

4)     Megson doesn’t appear to know the way out of this predicament. What is he going to do to ensure the goals come? Seemingly nothing different. Oh what unmitigated joy that will lead to – more of the same in future games.

That Bolton have failed to score in half of their 8 league games so far is a major cause for concern. That Kevin Davies is the only player to have scored more than one goal in those 8 games is a major cause for concern. That Megson doesn’t appear to have a Plan B is a major cause for concern. I’m trying to stay positive throughout this but it’s becoming more difficult with each passing week. I do genuinely hope and pray that things turn around very quickly (I’d much rather be writing positive posts than this type) but the signs aren’t good. Time will tell – perhaps the clocks going back this weekend will help us…

So sang the mighty Quo. But who are your tips for relegation this season? And are they the same tips you'd have said back at the start of August? Didn't think so...

Not wanting to get negative but I'm making the most of being a CatFlap editor this season, purely because I don't think Bolton (and, by association, me) will be here next season. I really do have a very bad feeling about this.

Hell, we're even amongst the 3 favourites for relegation now. According to best_betting (a fine betting website for all you gamblers out there), the best odds for relegation are now:

Stoke 2/7 (a little harsh I feel, given their current form)

West Brom 7/4 (that looks a fine price to me)

Bolton 2/1 (oh dear...)

Fulham 11/4 (won't be far away)

Hull 11/4 (a ridiculous price: they should be twice that)

Spurs 7/2 (Good God. They were 5/2 for 5th spot at the start of the season)

Newcastle 7/2 (Pains me to say it but another attractive price)

West Ham, Wigan & Sunderland 8/1 (None of whom will go down)

That makes for worrying reading. 3 months ago the smart money was on the 3 promoted clubs going straight back down. That now looks to have been blown out of the water. Draw your own conclusions but my bottom twitches a little every time I look at the above list. Something needs to change and fast. But there are no whipping boys this season - no Derby, no Sunderland (of old). Every team is capable of a decent performance and you can't look at any fixtures with a huge amount of confidence anymore. I guess I should start planning my CatFlap farewell party. Ok - it will be a fish supper and a few cans with just me, the wife, a laptop screen and a tear-stained cheek but hey - we all have to prepare for the inevitable some time...

This is a difficult match to preview in that it’s impossible to call, as both teams have the capability of beating anyone else in the league when they play to form, whilst also having the capability of being absolutely awful on occasion. History isn’t with the Whites here, having last being victorious over Blackburn at home in the Premier League some eight-and-a-half years ago. However, it appears that Ginger Mourinho has a few selection problems (of the positive kind), which makes a pleasant change this season. Expect the team to be as was when beating West Ham a couple of weeks ago, with one possible exception: will Matt Taylor replace Ricardo Gardner on the left of midfield?

I would guess so. Gardner has been in excellent form so far this season, adding some consistency to his game and working the channel well. However, Taylor showed what a threat he can be when coming off the bench to hammer a free-kick home in that West Ham victory and I just feel that Megson fancies him more. Plus, Gardner has figured twice for Jamaica in the last 7 days and could well be knackered, whilst Taylor should be as fresh as a daisy.

I fancy another victory for us here. Blackburn are unpredictable but I’m hoping the current good run (in terms of goals) that Super Kevin Davies is on will rub off on Elmander and he’ll kick-start his season again here. If our excellent centre-half pairing of Cahill and ‘Snozzles’ O’Brien (as I’ll call him from now on in, to avoid confusion with Joey) can keep Santa Cruz quiet, I’m opting for a 2-0 win. Muamba will give Nolan a license to roam and he likes the battles against Blackburn, so he is the call to open his account for the season with the opening goal of the game, with Elmander notching the second.

Come on you Whites!

And, for once, that title isn't leading into a shameful innuendo. We may be in the midst of a credit crunch here in good old blighty but it appears the collapse of the Icelandic banking system really is a major cause for concern. Apparently the Icelandic players themselves were left potless whilst playing in Holland last weekend, with bank cards not working and players left with no money unless they took cold hard cash from the countries where they are plying their trade. From a BWFC point of view, this would have affected Heidur Helguson, Gretar Steinsson and BWFC legend Eidur Gudjohnsen (who probably won’t be struggling for cash, to be honest…). Will the Icelandic players continue to represent their country whilst this is going on? Time will tell but it could be worse – their local council could have £6 million tied up in the Icelandic banking system…

Hi! I’m Michael Ricketts – you may remember me from such big screen classics as ‘Big Time Charlie in Small Time Bolton’, ‘When The Bright Lights Take Me To The Riverside Stadium’ and ‘Falling Faster Than A Hooker’s Drawers’. What isn’t widely known is that, with time on my hands over recent years, I’ve established myself as one of the greatest motivational speakers in the world. My time at the top of the football tree convinced me that I have a God-given gift and I have used these experiences to influence the needy and the uninspired the world over. Now, via this wonderful website, I’d like to offer you the opportunity to attend one of my seminars and change your life forever.

What I do is convince you to think positive. You may have a real talent but don’t know how to harness it. Don’t fall into the trap of becoming set in your ways – you need to reach for the stars, believe you’re the best, strive for greater riches. And when you achieve this, no matter how fleeting the fame may be, you’ll be able to sit back on your big fat arse and revel in your riches, eating Kit-Kat Chunkys and watching Jeremy Kyle all day long. You’ll be able to relive past glories (even if they do amount to 45 minutes against Holland – that’s more than most will achieve) and regale your Grandkids with lofty tales of greatness. I’ll teach you how to believe you’re the best there is, even if the truth is far removed from that.

The first course will be held in the store room at Walsall Tesco Express on Dec.25^th, running from 11.15 – 13.30. Prices are £999 (plus VAT) and include a buffet lunch (with big fat dumplings and humble pie and cream) and a Michael Ricketts instructional DVD (running time: 10 minutes). Thanks for reading, get on the course and remember my mantra at all times – if you want to eat burgers and drive fast cars, don’t be a chump, just reach for the stars.

Hurrah. Let’s get tonight out of the way and get back to the real deal – club football. BWFC players who will hopefully come through tonight unscathed are:

Ricardo Gardner: Jamaica (v Honduras). Captained Jamaica to a 1-0 victory over Mexico at the weekend, which should be good for confidence, even if he will probably be dropped for Matty Taylor at the weekend…

Ebi Smolarek: Poland (v Slovakia). Helped Poland to a 2-1 win over the Czechs at the weekend.

Jussi: Finland (v Russia). A sterner test following Saturday’s 1-0 trouncing of Azerbaijan…

Adam Bogdan: Hungary (v Malta). The Young keeper played no part in Hungary’s 2-0 victory over Albania.

Heidur Helguson & Gretar Steinsson: Iceland (v Macedonia). Helguson played in Saturday’s 2-0 loss in Holland but, surprisingly, Steinsson did not figure. I find that hard to believe to be honest, unless he was carrying a minor injury?

Tamir Cohen: Israel (v Latvia). Did not figure in 3-1 win over Luxembourg.

Joey O’Brien: R.o.Ireland (v Cyprus). Will be hoping to figure after a free weekend for the RoI.

Johan Elmander: Sweden don’t have a midweek game so Johan will hopefully be raring to go against Blackburn on Saturday.

Danny Shittu: Nigeria don’t have a midweek game following a 4-1 victory over the mighty Sierra Leone on Saturday, so Shittu should be raring to warm the bench come the weekend.

Fabrice Muamba: England U-21s. Surprisingly didn’t make the bench in last Friday’s play-off 1^st leg against Wales but came on as a sub after 30 minutes in last nights return leg.

Good luck lads and fingers crossed you return injury-free and full of confidence….

As the fantastic Dave Grohl sang (and, unfortunately, Glen fooking Campbell on Jools Holland last week), it’s times like these you’re glad no BWFC players play for England. The jeering of Ashley Cole on Saturday was a disgrace. Firstly, let me state I’m not a huge fan of Ashley Cole as a person. There is something eminently dislikeable about the bloke. But he is an excellent footballer, albeit one who made a basic error on Saturday. Is that reason enough to boo and jeer him? Give him a bit of light-hearted ribbing after the event by all means, though he obviously didn’t make that crazy pass intentionally – he simply made a mistake. Yet the knuckle dragger element of the support chose to single him out for untold abuse, probably without engaging the one brain cell they all share and realising that such action would have an effect on him for the remainder of the match.

The same goes for the stick Gerrard and Lampard take when they pull on an England shirt. David Blunkett could see they simply can’t play together for England but, until an England manager has the testicular mass to drop one of them, that’s the way it’s going to be – it isn’t their fault. You can’t expect them to ‘do a Meite’ and not turn out for the second half because of it. They are world class players (at club level at least) and do not deserve it. Jeez – any one of us would donate a limb to have one of those two at our club.

As for the berating of the England manager and team in general, I couldn’t give a toss how we play if we’re picking up wins all the time. Unconvincing displays will do me fine if we win the group and go on to glory in the 2010 World Cup, but here’s hoping the likes of Cahill, Nolan etc aren’t involved – it would be soul-destroying to see them taking the same levels of stick that the world-class players listed above are currently being subjected to.

First and foremost, Danny has taken a bit of a battering over recent weeks for that tackle on Craig Fagan. Yes, it was a moment of lunacy and yes, he deserved to be sent off. But having watched him all last season, I’m 100% convinced that he’s a decent bloke and not the malicious thug some of the stuffier football journalists in this country have made him out to be. One of these pompous, self-important fossils went as far as to suggest that he’s in a similar vein to Joey Barton this weekend, due in no small part to Joe Kinnear’s comments that Barton would have made his old Wimbledon ‘crazy gang’, along with Guthrie. Utter nonsense and thanks a lot for making such an inane comparison Joe – that will really help Guthrie banish the memory of his uncharacteristic lunge the other week. Guthrie played the game with honesty and enthusiasm last season and I hope he gets over this and continues to build on what has been a promising start to his football career, even if it is amongst the ongoing circus that is Newcastle United at present.

Following previous columns of this nature, this will only cover a select few of the original list (i.e. the ones which are worthy of discussion).

Stelios:

Good to see an old favourite signing for another old favourite and joining Phil Brown at Hull. On current form he’ll struggle to break into the first team but you never know. Fingers crossed for a good servant to BWFC.

Danny Guthrie:

See separate posting – I’ll use up too many words to include it in this post, such is the anger that certain sections of the British media stoke up in me.

The Elk:

In Drogba’s absence he’s now tucked in just behind the leaders of the Prem scoring chart with 4 league goals and might just be winning over some of the Stamford Bridge muppets who couldn’t wait to crucify the poor bloke on radio phone-ins just a matter of weeks ago. Remains to be seen if he can forge a successful partnership alongside Drogba but then that’s for Scolari to sort out – the simple facts are that he’s a world class striker and should be playing at that sort of level. Good to see him hitting the net again and long may it continue.

Ivan Campo:

Brilliant. El Legendo (a v.poor nickname, made up on the spot…) seems to be fitting in nicely at Portman Road and scored his first goal (a 3 yarder) for Ipswich last week. Great to see and, as with Anelka, here’s hoping for a successful end to Campo’s career there. It would be great to see him help Ipswich into the Prem again (despite the past history between the 2 clubs, primarily down to Barry bloody Knight…) and see Camps back at the Reebok for one last time, just so we can give the bloke the send-off he deserves and should have had last season…

I should have known the Whites would get a result at West Ham on Sunday - the club once again did something right and provided free coach travel for the fans. This is the fifth time this has happened (the others being last seasons games at Wigan, Boro, Spurs & Chelsea) and in those 5 games we've won 2, drawn 2 and lost just 1 - not a bad away record for any team. 11 coach loads of fans made the journey down on Sunday in comparison to a handful of fans who were at the corresponding fixture last season. This is an excellent gesture by the club and is seemingly making a significant difference to the performance on the field. The scheme is being considered for future away games - we wait with baited breath and crossed fingers...

News through today that Andy O'Brien has signed a new two-year deal, which will see him through to July 2011. This is excellent news. Whilst Gary Cahill is taking most of the defensive plaudits at the moment (and he is proving to be a fantastic signing by Megson), it could be argued that O'Brien is equaly important. Perhaps the one good thing that Sammy Lee did in his time in charge, O'Brien has proved that he is an excellent, no frills kind of defender. Rock solid and forging an excellent understanding with Cahill, it should be remembered that O'Brien won the player of the year award last season. His efforts are greatly appreciated by the Reebok faithful (even though no one else seems to recognise this) and this is fantastic news which tops off an excellent few days.

A recent study commissioned by the ‘Journalistic Institute of Scribing & Manuscript’ (or JISM for short), in conjunction with ‘Nicolas Anelka’s Dedicated Scribesters’ society (or NADS for short) has examined the correlation between names of current footballers when spelt backwards and the nature of the players themselves. The results are quite astonishing. Honestly….

Dave KITSON: NOSTIK.

Exactly what Dave wants from the press – NOSTIK as a result of his current scoring drought.

William GALLAS. SALLAG.

Little known within our own hallowed shores, SALLAG is actually a term used by the arrogant, snail eating, bicycle riding, beret & stripy jumper wearing gits from across the Channel to describe a childish, petulant and arrogant individual.

Bobby ZAMORA. AROMAZ.

Bobby Zamora’s nickname in the Fulham dressing room due to his fondness for eating pickled eggs, cabbage water, curried beans and broccoli quiche as his pre-match meal.

JO. OJ.

Rumours that Man City’s Brazilian striker has bumped off his own missus and is responsible for a recent kidnapping and robbery are, as yet, unconfirmed.

ELANO. ONALE.

Rumours that Man City’s Brazilian midfield maestro has a fondness for Panda Shandy, Tetley Smooth Flow and watermelon Bacardi Breezers are, as yet, unconfirmed.

Luka MODRIC. CIRDOM.

Croatian for waste of money.

Roman PAVLYUCHENKO. OKNEHCUYLVAP.

Russian for waste of money.

David BENTLEY. YELTNEB.

English for waste of money.

Apologies to Sifaeli for the last 3 – I’m sure they’ll come good. I just had to jump on the bandwagon whilst your beloved team is a little bit toilet…

Classic stuff. Absolutely top-notch. Not intended as a comedy, An Impossible Job was first aired some 14 years ago and was a documentary for Channel 4's Cutting Edge, following the then England manager as he prepared to take his team through the World Cup qualifiers and onto the 1994 finals in America. Of course, that all went tits up and the documentary proved to be a work of comedy gold, following the increasingly beleagured manager as he lost the plot and gifted some scenarios that you just couldn't have scripted. A clip is below though this excellent programme is being repeated tonight at 23.00 on ITV4. If you miss this, they're repeating it on Tuesday (7th) at 21.00. Don't miss it.

And, in true Alan Partridge style, he’ll be pitching ‘Youth Hostelling with Chris Eubank’ to TV executives next week.

What a ridiculous idea. But that aside, this really concerns me. The basis of Gartside’s argument is that the current parachute payments for relegated clubs are not as significant (in the big scheme of things) as they used to be and Gartside is concerned that relegated clubs are at greater risk of heading into freefall than they were say 3-4 years ago. Hence the gist of what he is suggesting is that a 2-tier Premier League (18 teams in each tier) will reduce this risk by ensuring TV rights (and the associated payments to clubs) will provide greater stability whilst ensuring the TV broadcasters still have a marketable product to present to Joseph Public.

What tosh. Essentially, the second tier of the Premier League (Premier League 2 if Gartside’s wishes are realised) would be similar to the current Championship, so where is the difference (other than the name)? Is Gartside suggesting this as he fears for Bolton’s Premiership future? Things don’t look rosy at the moment (haven’t done for 18 months now) and I fear Gartside is coming out with this nonsense to soften what he sees as the inevitable blow of dropping out of the top tier sometime soon. He’s also aired his views on foreign take-overs this week and I believe it’s the recent round of activity (Man City, potential buyers at Newcastle etc.) which is really getting Gartside’s bum into underpant chewing mode. Such a takeover is highly unlikely at Bolton (due to too small a fan base, far bigger clubs in the same catchment area etc.) and this appears to be really eating away at Partridge….., sorry, Gartside.

Right. I need to calm down so I’m heading off for a game of monkey tennis…

Really? Despite what is currently being reported, this is very difficult to believe. Styles has allegedly phoned the club and apologised to Megson and, whilst Megson has publicly stated that he’s accepted the apology, this can surely only be a front to keep the peace. Megson will still be smarting at such an inept display and it would be very interesting to hear him say what he truly feels. But, then again, pointing out the truth in such vivid fashion would surely land him with a fine from the powers-that-be (such is the protection afforded to referees these days – they are beyond criticism), hence Megson’s response. Plus, from a purely cynical point of view, it would appear that the only reason Styles has taken this action is to ensure he continues to referee in the top flight. If that is the case, his tactics have worked. Good luck Hull – he’s landed your game at Spurs on Sunday and last weekend’s antics would suggest you’ll be playing 12 men at White Hart Lane, rather than 11…

I hope the last post didn’t appear too negative but, whilst I have a few fears for this season, my main one is this – the striker situation. I fear this could be the area which troubles us most. As alluded to previously, there is a huge weight of expectation on Elmander’s shoulders. I haven’t seen enough of him to make a reasoned judgement yet (though his injury problems could be a concern) and, whilst I’m hoping he’ll turn out to be a world beater, it’s a lot to ask of any foreign striker to hit the ground running in this league. If he does take time to adjust, we’re relying on Davo. And whilst I idolise the bloke, and despite him scoring 3 goals in the first 5 league games, is he really the man to score 12-15 league goals this season? I certainly hope so but goal scoring form over recent seasons suggests not. Which leaves us with Vaz Te and Helguson – need I say more? They’re simply not good enough to hit the net on a regular basis against Premiership opposition.

My concern is that other clubs have strikers who I really rate. At the lower end of the table I’m referring to Kitson (Stoke), King (Hull), Zamora & Johnson (Fulham), Zaki (Wigan), Alves (Boro), Cisse (Sunderland), Ashton (West Ham) and Owen (Newcastle). The only club who I see really struggling in that department is West Brom (I still can’t figure out why they didn’t offer Kevin Phillips the 2 year deal he wanted…).

The ace in our pack though could be Mustapha Riga. He’s looked impressive in his cameos from the subs bench and he must be close to being handed a place in the starting line-up soon. Inventive, lively and willing to run at people, the fact that he could be considered an attacking midfielder does not concern me. His record in La Liga last year suggests he has an eye for goal and he looks confident. For my money this is a no-brainer – the time has come for him to be unleashed.

A (relatively) unbiased view should be taken when reviewing your team’s fortunes and I like to think I adopt such an approach where BWFC are concerned. Fair enough, when things aren’t quite working out you should turn to the slightly surreal to keep you smiling but, by and large,  be realistic and honest.

Which is why reading through the fan comments in Tuesday’s Bolton News made me laugh and rant in equal measure. I just can’t understand some of these people. Even though I can understand trying to look on the positive side, there was nothing to take from Saturday’s game. To suggest we deserved something (as some people have done) is lunacy – we were completely outplayed by Arsenal. They won the game at a canter. If Bolton had converted some of their brief spells of pressure into goals, the Gooners would have stepped it up a gear and put the game out of sight once more. They left Walcott and Van Persie on the bench and still strolled to victory for Christ’s sake.  Time to take a reality check folks and realise that we were shit and we are in the shit. Another battering on Saturday (and I can see us losing by 2 or 3) and confidence will be rock bottom. And it appears that there are no easy games this season. In recent years, teams as awful as Derby and Sunderland (in the season where they were awful) virtually guaranteed you points. There isn’t a single team in this years Premiership which offers such a guarantee. And that is very bad news indeed. The support on Saturday was excellent and that needs to be the case in every home game. However, let’s temper that with a dose of realism and stop suggesting we deserve something out of games when we don’t.

Running from 5^th December – 9^th January in the De Vere Whites Hotel laundry room, we are proud to present the official 2008 BWFC production of Cinderella. Starring Ricardo Vaz Te as Cinders (he is also experienced at never making it to the ball – can’t stay on his feet long enough), Gretar Steinsson & Kevin Nolan as the ugly sisters and Ian Walker as Prince Charming. In a slight reimagining of the original story, Prince Charming will meet Cinders in a Vegas lap dancing bar, fall madly in love with her, lose contact with her and cling on to the vain hope that finding one of her Jimmy Choos will lead him back to the accommodating arms of his unrequited love (preferably without his missus finding out). Featuring the songs ’These Boots Were Made for Slipping’, ‘Don’t Let The Prince Go Down on Me’ and ‘Didn’t We Have A Lovely Time, The Day We Went to The Championship’, this is a musical extravaganza for all the family (as long as all your family is above the 12a rating that is – some of the pole dancing gets a bit fruity, to be honest). As this is a Category A+ pantomime, ticket prices start at £32 per person. Alternatively, a season ticket can be bought for £400 (10% off if bought before 5^th November), which will allow entry into all 54 performances. And that will be preferable when compared to watching the action out on the pitch at the moment.

The first in another new series of irreverent bollocks in which the current Bolton Wanderers squad (along with some old favourites) start planning to supplement next season’s Championship salaries by remaking some Hollywood classics.

Starting with a Reebok sponsored remake of the 1987 classic Lethal Weapon, starring Heidur Helguson as Martin Riggs, a cop on the edge. Shunned by his colleagues and considered too unpredictable to be placed in the public eye, Riggs has shown signs of being a sharpshooter in the past but is now too erratic and wide of the mark. His bosses have tried offloading him but without success. In this all-action extravaganza he is paired up with Roger Murtagh, played with gusto by Ricardo Gardner. Murtagh is a seasoned veteran; streetwise and experienced but a little long in the tooth now. He is counting down the days until he brings the curtain down on a relatively successful career and he will be the first to admit that his levels of performance are not what they were. He is cautious of any young buck coming onto the scene and, whilst his shooting can also be wayward, he is content to leave that side of things to other, more appropriate, young bucks in the team. Can the two forge a relationship strong enough to save their asses in the face of stark danger? Will Riggs ever shoot on target again? Will Murtagh find the elixir of life and rediscover the form of his youth? Be sure to catch this classic at your local multiplex for all these answers and more. Pick & mix available at £2.99 per ounce.

Interesting news coming out today with Megson criticising the squad members for not stepping up to the mark and taking their chance on Saturday. He hasn’t mentioned any names but it’s plainly obvious he’s targeting the likes of Shittu, McCann, Gardner (seems to be considered a squad player now?) and Helguson there. If that is the case, we really are knee deep in the brown stuff. The bench warmers who didn’t see any action on Saturday (Al Habsi aside we had Fojut, Hunt, Cohen and Vaz Te) really can’t be relied upon to come into the team and make a difference (with the possible exception of Cohen). Plus, whilst I do appreciate Megson’s honesty since he came into the job, is this really the right tactic to galvanise a team that appears to be at a very low ebb confidence-wise (especially with Arsenal and Man United on the horizon)? Personally, I don’t think so but I’ll be happy to eat a large slice of humble pie if proved wrong over the next couple of weeks. Whatever happens, he needs to feed Taylor and Elmander copious amounts of Lucozade, Soreen (with its mystical healing properties) and Red Bull in a desperate bid to get them back into first team action sooner rather than later. Otherwise this could be a long winter of discontent in more ways than one.

Thankfully, all the Bolton contingent on international duty this weekend came through unscathed. Here’s a brief round-up of the extent of their participation:

Ricardo Gardner: Captained Jamaica away to Sven-Goran Eriksson's Mexico. Jamaica lost 3-0.

Heidar Helguson: Scored Iceland’s first goal to make the score 1-1 in a very impressive draw away to Norway. Former BWFC legend Eidur Gudjohnsen scored their second equaliser to make the final score 2-2.

Joey O’Brien: Was an unused sub in the 2-1 Republic of Ireland victory against Georgia (played in Germany).

Gretar Steinsson: Played for Iceland alongside Heidar Helguson.

Tamir Cohen: Played for Israel in their 2-2 draw with Switzerland.

Ebi Smolarek: Unused sub in Poland's disappointing 1-1 draw at home to Slovenia.

Danny Shittu: Played in Nigeria's 1-0 win over South Africa in the 2010 African Nations Qualifying Group stages.

It’s now time to reflect rather more soberly on the recent events within the Premiership. Yes, the madness of Mondays transfer deadline did provide a few hours of amusing entertainment, though the ramifications are part of an ongoing trend which should be of major concern to fans of clubs like Bolton. The ‘big-4’ clubs in this country have, for a long time now, been untouchable in their domination of the Premiership and subsequent Champions League entry. Man City will now have serious designs on breaking into that elite group. Clubs such as Aston Villa and Spurs also have serious money to spend whilst, to a lesser degree, simple Premiership survival will not be adequate enough for clubs such as Sunderland, Portsmouth, Middlesbrough and Blackburn, who all seemingly have loftier ambitions (certainly aiming for European football). I refuse to mention Newcastle in this list as their current administration is a complete and utter farce. All of this means that, after 4 consecutive years of finishing in the top 8 (the only club outside the ‘big 4’ to do so) prior to last season, survival and 17^th place is now the target for Bolton. That comment may infuriate die-hard BWFC fans but it is true. A cursory glance at the relegation odds this season shows (rather predictably) that the 3 promoted clubs are favourites for relegation. After that it’s Bolton, Fulham and Wigan (2 clubs who also have money to spend) before you hit teams such as Newcastle & West Ham – teams who currently have their problems but are still highly unlikely to go down. This really isn’t good for clubs such as us.

Just a word of warning though – the big money backers don’t always work. The promises of West Ham’s biscuit baron didn’t come to much. The current owners of Newcastle might sell a few football shirts but they know sod all about the game itself. Despite foreign backers, Harry Redknapp has been told he must sell to fund further buys at Portsmouth.  And how long before Roman becomes bored of playing with Chelski….?

The transfer deadline has been unbelievably dull where BWFC are concerned. One deal (seldomly used Swiss prospect Blerim Dzemaili moving to Torino on a one-year loan deal) is the only action we've seen. That's about as exciting as an ITV 'Loose Women' marathon. Setanta's website claims that an £8 million bid for Portugese midfielder Maniche has been turned down by Atletico Madrid. If that's true (and I haven't seen it quoted anywhere else) it's a real shame as Maniche is a class act and would bring the much needed flair and invention that our midfield is crying out for. As things stand though, it looks like being a very uneventful day indeed. Thank God the Berbatov situation has been reignited by City's interest and keeps the day relatively entertaining for us fans of clubs where sod all else is happening.

This could be good news. Polish striker Ebi Smolarek has signed on a season-long loan deal from Racing Santander, to provide some much needed cover in the striker department. Although Ebi didn't have the greatest of scoring records in La Liga last season (scoring 4 goals in 34 appearances, though he did play on the wing quite often), his record for Poland is quite impressive, notching 13 goals in 34 games, including 9 in the Euro 2008 qualifying group. The deal has an option of making the move permanent for a £4.8 million fee at the end of the season, and Ricardo Vaz Te has moved to Santander (on loan) as part of the deal. Here's the man in action, accompanied by the dulcet tones of Tina Turner - what more could you possibly ask for?

Marvellous news. Kevin Davies has extended his contract by a further 12 months in a deal which will see him remain at the Reebok until 2011, when he will be 34. Effectively committing to the club for the rest of his career, this is very promising and sends a firm message out to the likes of Hull and any other clubs who may have been courting his services. Davo might not be the most prolific of scorers but his contribution to the team is immense and he is absolutely pivotal to everything that happens on the pitch. This is as important as any of the new signings which have been made this summer.

At such a relatively early stage of the season, Bolton have a problematic injury list which is a real concern. The ‘Bolton News’ reported today that Elmander will be out for 6 weeks with a hamstring problem, whilst Matty Taylor will be out for a similar period with a broken toe. Add in that it has been confirmed that Gary Cahill (who is swiftly becoming an outstanding centre-half) will be suspended for the next 3 league games and we have a crisis rearing its ugly head. Those 3 will miss games v West Brom (H), Fulham (A) & Arsenal (H). If reports are correct, Elmander & Taylor will also miss Man Utd (A), West Ham (A) and, potentially, Blackburn (H). That doesn’t make for good reading.

News on fresh bids for replacements is hazy at the moment – Megson apparently has 2 bids in for players, though we don’t know their identity at the moment. Talk of Bullard seems to have cooled a little but the bids simply have to be for an attacking midfielder and a striker, especially as the Bolton News also reports that Dzemaili and Helguson will be allowed to leave if the 2 targets are landed. Whoever they are, I hope they’re decent enough to fill in for Taylor & Elmander for the time being but will also be content to warm the bench when those 2 return (unless it’s Bullard of course)! Where the striker is concerned, I feel Birmingham’s Cameron Jerome would be good back-up to Elmander & Davies, especially as he doesn’t seem to be getting much action for them at the moment. Time will tell – just don’t sign Grzegorz Rasiak again, for God’s sake…

Not a bad deal for this game, with season ticket holders paying £10 (if bought before Sunday) and non-season ticket holders paying £12. Gone are the days when the Coca-Cola Cup teams were riddled with ineffective dross and, whilst this will not be a full strength team, it will provide an opportunity to see some of the fringe players in action. Hopefully we’ll get to see Riga in action and the likes of Shittu, Vaz Te, Gardner, Hunt and McCann should figure. This will be a decent barometer by which we can gauge the actual strength and depth of the squad this season. It is also a potential banana skin (as so many of these early Coca-Cola Cup games can be) which should make for an entertaining game.

Perhaps the most exciting news of the Summer is that the transfer window has been extended a further 24 hours, due to the 31st August falling on a Sunday this year. As a result of this we can have an extra 24 hours of speculation, rumour and downright lies to look forward to, dreaming longingly of re-signing Eidur and also bagging Bullard, Henry and Fabregas. The reality will, of course, see a 23:59 re-signing of Gregorz Raziak on loan for the whole season as centre-forward cover...

The Bolton News today quoted Megson as stating that, whilst there has been an offer on the table for some time now, a certain player (i.e. James Harper) will not be signing. However, a bid has been made recently for an as-yet unnamed player (please, please, please be Jimmy Bullard...), the results of which remain to be seen.

Today's 'Bolton News' is claiming that Megson, despite shelling out £18 million already this summer, still has money to spend. Latest transfer links are Jimmy Bullard (yes please - I'll travel down to London myself and give him a piggy-back all the way back here if that's what it takes), James Harper (another competent and experienced midfielder who would complement the squad well) and former Arsenal man Edu (jury's out on that one - one of Bullard or Harper would be much more preferable).

Regardless of what happens, these seem to be unprecedented times in terms of available funds at The Reebok. A couple of the above-mentioned signings, along with Salma Hayek as official half-time entertainment (recreating the 'From Dusk Til Dawn' snake-dance will be perfect), will make for a very promising summer indeed.

Formed 1874. Founder members. Three FA Cups in 20’s. Nat Lofthouse – Lion of Vienna. Super Frank Worthington – Elvis fanatic. 80’s doldrums. Colin Todd – back on track. Big Sam – miracle worker. Djorkaeff, Okocha & Campo – legends. UEFA Cup. Anelka – world class. What’s he doing here? Lack of cash – goodbye Big Sam. Thanks for the memories. Megson – same all over again? The jury’s out…