Bolton Wanderers FC

Hark the Reebok faithful sing, what signings will January bring?

If it’s down to blog editor Mick, Eva Mendes will do the trick.

But, in all ser-i-ous-ness, will Megson astound the press

By putting in 10 million bids, to land Jimmy Bullard and Stevie Sid?

Hark the Reebok faithful sing, what signings will January bring?

Megson the ginger manager, didn’t really smile a lot

And if you ever saw him, would he make you laugh? NOT!

All of the other managers, used to laugh and call him names

They resented his Manager of the Month award, due to winning 4 out of 5 games.

Then one foggy Christmas Eve, Gartside came to say

Megson with your hair so bright, here’s 20 million, sign anyone you like.

So Megson booted up Football Manager, spent all of Christmas in front of his PC

Looking for potential signings, for once not relying on those who came free!

Thus one foggy January day, Megson’s plan rang true

Sergei Rebrov & Andy Reid signed, Emmanuel Eboue came and didn’t whine.

Then one foggy New Years Day, loads of players over 30 did sign,

Kevin Phillips, Dean Windass and Ruel Fox, were allowed to use their zimmers to get into the box!

And Megson the ginger manager, looked upon his squad with pride

They might be a little ancient, but at least they qualify for free bus rides.

Sleigh bells ring, are you listening?

In the tower, Beardo’s glistening?

He’ll give you a fright, if you pass tonight; walking in a Beardsley wonderland.

Gone away, are the wee bairns

Shit themselves, and so did their friends.

They saw the hunchback, their pants filled with cack; walking in a Beardsley wonderland.

In the Reebok Todd will sign a legend, then tell him to sit out every match.

He’ll say Mr Todd are you a dickhead? As all the other kiddies sit and watch.

Later on, he’ll transpire, to escape, by the fire (escape)

He’ll refuse to play, the Colin Todd way,

Walking in a Beardsley wonderland.

Walking in a Beardsley wonderland.

Wallllkking, in a Beeearrrdsley wonderlannnnnddddd.

Good King Megson last looked out, on the feast of Jussi

Watching his squad undergoing sprint training, with Kris Akabusi.

Brightly shone his smile that night, he’d got rid of Nicky Hun-n-n-n-t

All his critics had disappeared, no longer thinking of him as a c-c-c-c-chan-anc-cer.

Good King Megson checked his list, of potential signings

Desperate to sign a goal-scoring midfielder, to stop the fan’s whining

Lampard, Gerrard, Ronaldo and Young, had all politely refused

So Megson bid 4 million for Andy Reid, to eat the excess Christmas foo-oo-ood.

Good King Megson looked on in glee, at the presents he’d got from his te-eam,

A pair of fake tits, a new joke book and a second-hand Sodastream.

And the piece-de-resistance, a cows arse and a banjo

To use in training for Kevin Nolan, that he might score a go-oa-al…

Jingle Bells, Sammy Lee smells, Smolarek never plays

Nolan’s yet to score this term and Ian Walker’s seen better days, OH!

Jingle Bells, Gartside sells, our best players to pay

Huge dividends to the directors now that the credit crunch is here to stay.

Dashing through the games, with 1 man alone up front

Hoping we don’t get Rob Styles, as he’s a complete cu….bugger

Fans shout for Megson’s head, despite last month’s success

If the poor bloke brought us the Champions League, he’d still struggle to impress, OH!

Jingle Bells, Jussi tells, his defence off every game

For being resolute for 89 mins then suddenly going lame, OH!

Jingle Bells, tears well, in my eyes when Gardner shoots

As most of the time it looks like he’s wearing Stephen Hawkins’ boots.

As most of the time it looks like he’s weeeaaarrrring, Stephen Hawkins’ boooooots!

Fresh from the practice sessions for the BWFC Christmas Carol Concert (to be held at the Euxton Training Ground, Monday 22^nd December, 13.30, free entry to all, free mince pie and ‘Dean Holdsworth’s Greatest Misses’ DVD for all who attend), here is the first in a series of sneak previews of the lovely carols to be sung:

Away game at Anfield, a Boxing Day to dread.

The little boy Torres, will leave us for dead.

The fans in the Kop end, looked down where we play

That little boy Fernando, having a right old field day.

The fans they are lowing, our form’s back to shit.

Our best chance of scoring will be a Gardner mis-hit.

Our only salvation, in this setting so serene

Will be that Rafa will go mental and drop Torres for Keane.