Arsenal

Crazy Spurs Bird

2008-09-08T21:41:04.682+01:00

A couple of weeks back we were watching the Spurs vs Sunderland game in a local drinking establishment and Cisse scored the winner, much to the delight of the large group of Arsenal fans sitting around.

One of these fans maybe went a little too far by jumping up and celebrating loudly. There were a small group of women sitting behind us who had be watching quite quietly but had made enough noises to suggest they had made the regrettable life decision of supporting Spurs.

They had been tensely sipping their drinks because Spurs were, obviously, not doing too well. This was the case for all except one - this other lady wasn't drinking Babycham or Malibu and coke, she was drinking a pint of Stella. The others were sitting demurely sipping their drinks and making the minimal amount of fuss; not this one though, she was necking her lager, scowling and huffing and puffing.

When she saw this certain person celebrate the goal, she stood up and opened her mouth; "OI! you c**t! If you keep looking so happy I'm gonna have to take this pint and f***ing take apart your face!"

The disbelief passed and the laughter subsided but it led me to think about something. Now, I have nothing against female fans and I love females in general but is there anything more annoying than a screaming, abusive, female fan? I'm finding it increasingly difficult to think of one.

Deadline schmeadline

2008-09-08T21:13:40.229+01:00

Mr Wenger is a genius and he always knows what he is doing, regardless of what it looks like from the outside.

This is what I have had to keep telling myself since the stroke of midnight on 1st September and my nail-biting, non-religious praying-like gestures and just general hoping didn't bear any fruit. I kept waiting to hear of some last-minute (reasonably) big-money signing sporting the badge and giving off the routine barely passable as genuine press smile.

It didn't happen though. Arsenal's usual secrecy in the transfer market means that you never really can tell if they are making a signing or not. All the talk was of a defensive minded foil for Cesc in the middle but what we really needed was an experienced midfielder who can do a job defensively but could also have a bit of creativity about him when the Golden Boy is out. In other words, Xabi Alonso. Whether we did or did not make a late bid is irrelevant, we should have had something wrapped up weeks ago.

Never fear though! There is deliverance from this quandry on the horizon! It comes in the form of Ghana captain Stephen Appiah! I know, not exactly a glamour signing is it? We can sign him because he is a free agent and was released by Fenerbache recently. He does kind of fill the requirements we need for a midfielder but it's not like the he's going to make a difference or anything.

Anyway, if we do sign him it will only be a stop gap and you never know, he might choose to go to West Ham or Portsmouth and anybody that chooses one of those over us is clearly not with it...

Toon Trounced

2008-08-30T01:27:45.112+01:00

Ho Ho Ho! It’s not Christmas but that was a gift wrapped performance. There was some cracking football here and we made Newcastle , who have had a good start, look distinctly average. It’s no coincidence that we start playing dream football again once Cesc comes back and that does make you worry a little bit. Never mind though because we were bloody brilliant, liquid football.

RVP turned up for the first time this season and this gives all Gooners a warm feeling in their stomachs because many of us believe that a whole season from him could be the key to winning the title. Against Fulham he looked like he couldn’t be bothered to lift his feet off the ground but here he was invigorating. Linking play between midfield and Adebayor, picking up nice little positions around the area and basically being amazing. In case you haven’t noticed I like him quite a lot.

This is what we were waiting for in the Premier League; a performance where we can play some of our gold plated football but actually put the ball in the net as well. Not looking forward to away at Blackburn after an international break. It has been known to get quite grim up north

Keegan made himself look like an idiot by bringing on Joey Barton. Has there ever been anyone more easily dislikeable? He probably eats kittens and steals sweets off of small children. Even the thickest of all people would realise that after just coming out of jail and with another hearing that could possibly affect your livelihood hanging over your head, the best thing to do would be to ease back into things. It seems Barton is thicker than any number of short planks as he managed to get into some petty feud with an aggressive tackle on Nasri, despite only being on the pitch two minutes. The FA need to throw the book at him, preferably at his thick head.

FC Twente at Home

2008-08-27T01:26:37.175+01:00

Finally! We have something to cheer about. Let’s ignore the fact that Steve McClaren’s team looked more clueless than his England team in their darkest hour. I wonder if he gave them a Dutch accent tinged rant afterwards? The burke.

Theo looked awesome here on what turned out to be a bit of an easy night. It seemed as if Walcott had finally realised that he is quicker than most other players out there and that creating or scoring chances becomes a lot easier when you don’t piss about for five minutes deciding what to do but just leaving the defender behind and getting the ball in the box. That’s what he did for the first goal and Nasri is looking like he doesn’t need that much time to settle with a lovely little reverse shot that rolled past the keeper.

This was all about Theo and when goes out being decisive, beating defenders for fun and just generally being unplayable. His goal was class, a lovely Henry-esque bender from the edge of the area but the question on everyone’s lips is can he do it regularly and against the big teams? You would think that he should be able to but he needs to stop looking as though he can only whisper and wants to be friends with everyone.

It would be fitting to make some comment about McClaren having to use an umbrella because it was raining goals but we’ve heard all of them and they’re boring. He’s still a top notch Burke though.

Fulham Fiasco

2008-08-23T01:25:05.768+01:00

Isn’t Jimmy Bullard supposed to be the big joker in this league? Like some kind of unofficial court jester? I think Willy Gallas was aiming to usurp Bullard from his comedy throne because somebody playing that badly must be having a laugh. The goal was his fault because he was so badly caught sleeping he should have been wearing a night shirt. I don’t know how a 6’5” blonde Norwegian can ghost past anyone in the box, but Willy managed it.

This sort of summed up the first half and the attitude of the team all the way through it, except maybe for Adebayor who hit the post with a powerful header after he jumped about 15ft in the air. Ade’s performance was one plus after his dross against West Brom , at least he put in some effort.

Denilson is in real danger of becoming a laughing stock after he faded awfully again as the game went on. In the last half hour an incontinent pensioner could retain water better than he could retain possession. Mr Wenger felt that his little prank of playing Eboue in centre mid needed a little bit more time for us to really appreciate it and the Ivory Coaster obliged by not making a single tackle in the middle of the park and shooting high and wide a couple of times.

I didn’t know that RVP had taken up the policy of trying hurt opposition fans behind the goal when taking free kicks. I always thought he was quite good at them but he did his best to dissuade me here.

The worst thing about being outplayed by Jimmy Bullard and Danny Murphy was that we didn’t get to see Roy Hogdson mumble about not knowing why the team didn’t defend well or convert chances and generally look like a little old man who has forgotten where he lives.

QUIKIPEDIA

2008-08-22T15:30:45.909+01:00

Founded 1886. Find home at Highbury. 1919 – promoted at expense of Spurs. Herbert Chapman - dominate 30s. Post war, rubbish. 1970 Double. 1979 FA Cup, Alan Sunderland. George Graham - boring boring Arsenal. 1989 Michael Thomas, Anfield. Andy Linighan. Cup Winners Cup - winners 1994, losers 1995. Nayim. Rioch - average. Wenger - genius. Total football. Thierry Henry. Double, twice. Invincibles. Emirates. Paris, despair. Barren spell. Glory imminent?

West Brom Home - Season Opener

2008-08-16T01:23:23.44+01:00

So, what a start. The premiership new boys come down to the Emirates and we give em a right old spanking, a proper lesson in how hard playing in the premiership will be. Well, as it turns out, not exactly. A more accurate summation would be that we passed the ball well and scored a good goal in the first half but after that we faded badly and it wouldn’t have been too much of a surprise if we had conceded an equaliser.

The goal itself looked like something we would have scored last season – nice slick assign and a neat finish from six yards out. Samir Nasri getting in on the action is enthusing as well because he looked like another Pires who would take a while to get settled in. It was the same with Denilson; started really well and looked like he would be an able deputy for Cesc. Doesn’t look like he will be though, in the second half he faded worse than a Spurs fan’s sense of optimism a third of the way through the season. Eboue in centre mid must be Wenger having a laugh because he’s a pile of excrement out at right mid so the move to the middle would be an obvious one wouldn’t it?

At least Ade would make it all better and terrorise the new defenders, especially after crying so loudly for more money giving him renewed vigour? Sadly not. All the big Togolese eejit did all game was make himself look silly by trying to do an impression of Thierry Henry and failing, badly.

All in all, an anti-climactic start to a season that holds a bit more expectation than last. We did look very good early on but we will need to continue that for the whole ninety at Fulham otherwise we won’t get to see Roy Hodgson’s impression of a lost little old man when after they lose. Oh and Mr Wenger, take Eboue out of centre midfield – that joke just isn’t funny.

Ed's Credentials

2008-08-15T18:22:20.625+01:00

Name: Brendan Simpson.
Age: 22.
Years supported: 18
First game: Man United, won 1-0, Bergkamp with the goal and Wrighty began his dispute with Schmeichel.
Favourite all time player: Dennis Bergkamp. Favourite current player: Kolo Toure.
Worst ever player: Glenn Helder. A master of picking up the ball out wide, taking it to the by-line and doing absolutely sod-all with it; he was bloody awful. My negative feeling towards him is compounded by him being one of the players George Graham took a bung for - if you're going to take a bung at least make sure the player is at least half decent.
Fantasy signing: Kaka. He would fit in to our style perfectly.
Tell us a secret: I once went out with a girl solely because her dad had a box at Highbury. Didn't last, never saw the box.
Who's the Daddy: Mr Wenger, who else?
Favourite chant: “Who's that team they call the Arsenal?”
We’ll finish: 2nd or 3rd (close push for top if RVP can stay fit).
If your club were a band: London Philharmonic Orchestra. Music in its purest form and how everyone wants to play it. But can't.